Someone Unworthy -- a testimony from Brother Michael J.C. Liu(II)	不配的人 -- 劉崇右弟兄的見證(二)
Translated by：Sean Kwong	整理：郭曉君

 

15、6歲的我讀《聖經》，還有去教會，我覺得是一件很快樂的事情。當那個青年團契跟我講，他們在練習如何使用屬靈的四個定律來給我傳福音。因為我那時候還不知道什麼是基督徒，什麼不是基督徒，結果他們一跟我傳，我信了。那個跟我傳的人也嚇一跳。但那時候我就這麼信。我就認定我自己是基督徒了。後來，我跑去找我們教會的牧師，問他說，我們的上帝對我們那麼好，我應該拿什麼去報答祂？那位牧師說，所有一切都是上帝的。後來，我還是不知道要做什麼。到此，一切都看起來很好，一個新的基督徒誕生了。

By the time I was about 15 years old, I read the Bible and I went to church regularly. It felt good to do these things. At that time, people from my youth group were practicing how to apply Four Spiritual Laws. Before this, I did not understand what it meant to be a Christian, but when the gospel was preached to me, I was converted. Even the person who preached to me was surprised at my conversion. Since then, I have identified myself as a Christian. Later, I talked to our pastor in church. I asked him, "How could I repay God since he is so good to us?" That pastor answered, "Everything belongs to God." However, I still did not know how to repay God. Nonetheless, up to this point, everything looked great on the outside. After all, a new Christian was born, right?

其實，從我開始信耶穌就存在著一個問題。我愛看《聖經》，愛探討《聖經》上的經節，其實是希望像《詩篇》第一篇的那棵樹一樣，栽在溪水旁，按時候結果子，葉子也不枯乾。凡他所作的，盡都順利（《詩篇》1：3）。我是為了愛主所能賜給我的東西，而不是真的愛祂。我那時覺得信耶穌的好處是我可以不用下地獄，這叫我愛耶穌嗎？我那時候去問我的輔導老師，我是愛耶穌所可以給我的一切好處，還是我懼怕祂所要給我的一切刑罰呢？17歲的那時候，我的這個問題在困惱著我。我成了一個怪怪的人。之後，有人給一盤唐崇榮牧師的磁帶，《讓我們吃喝快樂吧》，.我聽了之後很多的問題都解決了。之後，我就想開始去傳福音。但說實話，我的動機還是不對。我19歲時開始去傳福音、發單張。但我只是想跟唐崇榮牧師一樣。

But little did I know that there was an underlying problem at the very beginning of my spiritual journey. I loved to read the Bible, and I loved to study Bible verses. In fact, I was hoping to be like that tree in Psalms chapter 1: "It is planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season. Its leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. " (Psalms1:3). This reveals my underlying problem: I loved the idea that the Lord could bless me, but I did not really love the Lord, Himself. When I accepted Christ, I did so in order to escape from punishment in hell. However, this did not mean that I loved Jesus. I always wondered, "Did I accept Christ because I love all the benefits from Jesus, or because I feared the punishments?" I even brought this question to my mentor. Even when I was 17 years old, that question continued to trouble me, which made me getting weird. Later, someone gave me a tape from Pastor Stephen Tong, titled, "Let us Eat and Drink Happily". Because of his teaching in this tape, many of my questions were answered and I earnestly desired to preach the gospel. But in hindsight, I see that my motivations were still wrong. When I was 19 years old, I began to preach the gospel. I also handed out evangelical leaflets. However, what I really wanted was to become like Pastor Stephen Tong.

到最後，我開始自以為義。我覺得自己比同齡人厲害，《聖經》比他們熟，還敢去發單張。以《聖經》上的律法去論斷他人。覺得憑什麼那些人沒有按照神你的方法來做，卻可以得救？19到21歲，我有去教會、去參加團契、去禱告會、邀請別人來教會，但我沒有用上帝的愛來愛他人。每個人看我都覺得我很虔誠，但我自己獨處的時候，我在想我真的是基督徒嗎？心裡有很多的苦。像保羅那時候那樣，我知道好的、善的我不去行。我知道不好的，我反倒去行了。當耶穌基督作你生命的王的時候，你的人生會有順序。如沒有，你的人生將是一片混亂。我當時活著的是沒有方向的人生。即便我是基督徒，我信了耶穌，我的生命沒有意義。

As time went by, I became self-righteous. I felt superior to my peers. I thought I was more familiar with the Bible, and was more courageous to hand out leaflets. I judged others by the Laws from the Bible. I thought to myself, "How come those people could be saved? They did not even follow God's law!" From when I was 19 to 21 years old, I was active in the church. I joined fellowship and attended prayer meetings. I even invited many people to church. However, I did not love others out of God's love. Everyone thought that I was very devoted but secretly, I was always wondering whether or not I was a real Christian. It was very painful. I knew what was good, but I did not cling to what was good. I knew what was evil, yet I acted out of evilness. At that time, I struggled exactly like what Paul described in Bible. When Jesus Christ is truly the King of your life, your life will be in a good order. Otherwise, your life will be in chaos. At that time, I was living my life without any clear direction. Even though I was a Christian and believed in Jesus, my life was meaningless.

我21-23歲的時候，我每次進教會，我都會很鬱悶；我不進教會，我會覺得心裡好過點。當我跟朋友去追逐世界上的東西的時候，我覺得我的人生不錯。但當我禮拜天去教會的時候，我的人生是灰暗的。到23歲的時候，有一個禮拜天，我決定不去教會。我覺得全身輕鬆了很多。就好像聖經上說的，外邦為甚麼爭鬧？萬民為甚麼謀算虛妄的事？世上的君王一齊起來，臣宰一同商議，要敵擋耶和華並他的受膏者，說：我們要掙開他們的捆綁，脫去他們的繩索（《詩篇》2：1-3）。我解開了耶和華的捆綁，我發現人生鬆了一口氣。我好像很久很久沒有鬆一口氣的感覺。之後我連續一段時候都沒有去教會，我喜歡鬆口氣的感覺。教會的James牧師打電話給我問我為什麼沒有去教會。（他一直很看好我的。他待我像自己的孩子一樣）。我說，"James牧師，我需要離開教會一段時間，休息一下，到必要的時候，我會回來的。我一定會回來的，我保證"但我一走就是幾年。我明明知道祂是上帝，但我卻離開了祂，也不敢見祂。我放縱自己在罪惡中。

From when I was 21 to 23 years old, I felt totally lost when I was in church. I actually felt better when I was not in church. When my friends and I were pursuing worldly things, I felt my life was fine. But when I went to church on Sunday, I felt my life was just grey. Then one day, when I was 23 years old, I finally decided to stop attending church. I finally felt relaxed. Just like those verses from the Bible, "Why do the nations conspire and the people plot in vain? The kings of the earth rise up and the rulers band together against the LORD and against his anointed, saying, 'Let us break their chains and throw off their shackles. ' " (Psalm2:1-3) I untied bondage from God; I found relief in my life. Pastor James from my church called me. He asked me why I was absent on Sunday. You see, he had thought highly of me and treated me like his own child.) I replied, "Pastor James, I need to take a break. I will not return until I need to. However, I will go back one day, I promise you. " However, once I left, I did not go back for many years. I knew that Jesus was God, but I left him. I did not dare to see Him. I indulged myself in sins.

直到有一年，媽媽來美國跟我呆了一年。我那時候經常很晚出去一直到凌晨才回家。一身的煙酒味。我因為感受到了媽媽無微不至的愛，也因為覺得我是個不孝子而很痛苦。我回想起上次，我最開心最快樂的是什麼時候呢？我想起來，是在教會的禱告會。我於是決定我要回教會當James牧師看到我回去的時候，他特別開心。他說他已經為我禱告了好幾年了。之後，我參加了禱告會（我們在禱告之前要讀《詩篇》），那天讀的經文是《詩篇》32篇。《詩篇》32：10說，惡人必多受苦楚；我體會到了那種苦。什麼叫惡人？我根據當時我已經有了知識，我知道忘記上帝的外邦人叫作惡人。我以為我是基督徒，但我所做的與所讀的並不符合。我說，"主啊，我願意回到教會，願意讀《聖經》，學習你的話語。"

A few years later, my mom came to United States. She stayed with me for a year. During her stay, I often went out at late night. I would not come home until next morning. I smelt like cigarettes and alcohol. Although I received my mother's unconditional love, I also felt pained because I dishonored my parents. I tried to recall when last time that I felt truly happy was. When I realized that it was at the prayer meeting, I went back to church. When Pastor James saw me, he was very happy. He told me that he had prayed for me during these past few years. Soon after, I attended prayer meeting. We always read Psalms before praying. The scripture we read on that day was Psalm 32. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in Him (Psalm 32:10). I experienced the woes. According my knowledge at that time, Gentiles who forget God were wicked. I thought I was a Christian, but what I had done did not match what I read. I prayed, "LORD, I am willing to return to church. I am willing to read the Bible. I am willing to study your words. "

有一天，媽媽不在家，我跪在主的面前說，"我要悔改。天上的父，求你不要看我的罪孽，求你原諒我，因為你看我，我什麼都沒有，我只能接受你的憤怒，從你而來的這些懲罰。我應得只有這些，但求你可以不可以紀念天上耶穌的功勞，你的信實，你的慈愛，可以嗎？求你饒恕我，回到你的面前。我不只求你是我的救主，你要我做什麼。我這一切都不要了。這一切本來都要過去。我不要這些東西。天地都要廢去。唯有遵守你旨意的要永遠長存。我是誰？我是敗壞的人，我不配，但我相信你，因為你已經做了，我只好相信你了。我相信主耶穌基督！！我回到你的面前。"我曾經還在尋找我要做什麼的時候，讀到提摩太後書，保羅吩咐提摩太。保羅用我們上帝的名，還有主耶穌基督的名，吩咐他說，無論得時不得時你務要傳道（《提摩太後書》4:2）

After some time had passed and I was home alone, I kneeled down before the LORD. I told him: "I want to repent. Heavenly Father, I beg you, do not look at my sins. I beg for your forgiveness. Look at me: I have nothing; I deserve nothing but your anger and punishment. I deserve to be punished, but I beg you not to judge me based on who I am. Please judge me according to what Jesus has accomplished in heaven, and on your faithfulness and love. Please? I beg you to forgive me so that I go back to your presence. I am not only begging you to be my Savior, but I also ask for your guidance. What do you want me to do? I do not want all things on earth. Everything in this world will pass away. I do not want these things. Heaven and earth will pass away, but those who obey your commands will remain. Who am I? I am a wretch. I do not deserve anything. However, I believe in You because what You have done. You are the only one who I can believe in. I believe my LORD Jesus Christ!! I come back to You". When I was seeking God's guidance for future direction, I read the book of 2 Timothy. Here, Paul commanded Timothy in God's and in Jesus' name to "Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season" (2 Timothy 4:2).

這句話擊打我。我務要傳道！有些人會問我說，你真的嗎？過去的一兩年我在掙扎。我自己其實也問自己一個問題：是我？是我去作傳道？

This command caught me by surprise. I questioned God, "Must I preach the word?" I asked. Others questioned me as well, because they knew I had been struggling over the past two years. I asked myself, "Me? Should I preach?

如果我去作傳道，我很多朋友都知道我是很敗壞的。而且我又不是沒有離開過教會。我作傳道難道基督教不被羞辱嗎？我作傳道，基督教難道不被輕看嗎？我作傳道我有什麼見證呢？我這樣敗壞，又不配的一個人。我算什麼？

If I began preaching, many of my friends would know of my shameful past. I had, after all, abandoned the church. If I began to preach, wouldn't I tarnish the name of Christ? Wouldn't Christianity receive a bad reputation because of me? What kind of testimony could I bring? I am such an unworthy man. Who am I? "

可是務要傳道有說什麼別的東西嗎？而且你要有一個資格，是什麼？我知道一件事情，上帝救了我。當我發福音單張的那時候，我記得我在紐約的地鐵上面。那一天，我把單張拿出去的那一天。我邊走我是邊擦著眼淚。我為什麼擦著眼淚？因為主的愛充滿了我。他說什麼？

However, I knew the response to all of my questions: "Is there a requirement to preach the word? Do you need any qualifications? " All I need to know is that GOD has saved me. I remember one day as I was handing out evangelical leaflets at New York City Subway, I was wiping away my tears. Why? It was because LORD's love filled me. What did He say?

我說，"主啊，你讓我來服侍你？我可以服侍你？你還用我？"
I asked the LORD, "Would you allow me to serve you? May I serve you? Can You still use me? "

他說，"主的愛是不改變。"
He said, "Lord's love would never change."

我說，"我曾經離棄你。"

I said, "I turned away from You."

他說，"你到哪裡，我的愛跟隨你到哪裡。"
He said, "Wherever you go, my love follows you."

我說，"我是背叛你的人"
I said, "I am the one who berayed You."

他說，"你雖改變，我永不改變。"
He said, "You may change, I never change."

我說，"我如此的敗壞！"
I said, "I am such a wretch."

他說，"不要看你自己，要看我的兒子耶穌基督。"
He said, "Do not look at yourself; look at my Son Jesus Christ."

我就這樣前面後面傳傳傳傳，然後我回家，我感謝上帝，我最後發現，我必須要出來作傳道。因為什麼？上帝已經救我。為什麼我要傳福音？為什麼基督徒傳福音？因為上帝已經救我們——從罪惡當中拯救出來，從黑暗當中拯救出來。我們都曾經是悖逆之子、是敗壞的、是可怒之子，與其他人沒有兩樣。可是主把我們從這些患難當中都救出來。我們蒙召就是要作他的見證。直到地極作他的見證，奉父子聖靈的名給他們施洗，我們作主的見證。他與我們同在，直到世界的末了。

So I continued to hand out leaflets. I preached the Word to whoever was around me. I went home and thanked God with a grateful heart. In the end, I discovered I had to step out of my comfortable zone to preach. So I ask you this question tonight, why do I need to preach? If my Lord had already saved me, why is it necessary? Why should Christians preach at all? There is only one reason. This reason is that our Lord has saved us from sins. He has saved us from darkness. We were all disobedient. We were totally depraved. All of us deserved God's wrath. However, our LORD has saved us from these sufferings. We are called to witness His name to the ends of earth. We are all called to baptize people in the name of the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit. We are called to be a living testimony for our LORD, and He is with us until the end of the world.

所以基督徒，今天我們來這裡，這是很享受的一件事情。而許多許多在我們旁邊的，他們需要這個，而他們怎麼知道他們需要呢？因為你已經從原被跟他們一樣的地方，你已經被救出來了。你在更好的地方。他們需要。我被救出來了，你被救出來了。你去傳福音，高舉主耶穌的聖名，你明白這件事，你可以明白，主救我們，就是要他榮耀的恩典得著稱讚。他榮耀的恩典得著稱讚。

Today, it is our privilege to be here as Christians. Many unbelievers around us need attend an enjoyable event, such as this. But how do they know they need Jesus? They can know it through your salvation and your witness for Christ. You are an example of someone who was once lost in sin but now saved by grace. Because of your salvation, you are in a better position now. They need to be where you are. I am saved. So are you. You should preach the words and praise our Lord's name on high. You understand. You know. Our LORD saved us so that his glorious grace will be praised. May His glorious grace be praised.

願上帝賜福給你

May God bless you all.

阿門(全文完)
Amen （The End）