Home昔日真理報2012年 真理報文章2012 年 2 月【夫妻同心】夫妻相愛終生不渝

【夫妻同心】夫妻相愛終生不渝

 

31年前,在教堂聖壇前許諾從今以後,無論環境順逆,疾病健康,永遠愛慕尊重對方,終生不渝。進入婚姻,看似是結束愛情長跑,皆因我們以為彼此認識已經夠透徹,相愛夠甜蜜了,認定可以一輩子相親相愛。可是,在這麼多年的生活體驗中,才了解到:說「我願意」那一分鐘才是真正愛情長跑的開始。那一分鐘,我們其實並不了解─無論任何情況之下都愛慕、尊重對方是一個怎樣的挑戰,而終生不渝又是一個怎樣的委身。

婚姻的矛盾之處在於:若不覺得結婚會幸福,誰會跑去結婚;但若不明白和接受婚姻是會受苦的,誰會準備好經得起風浪。婚禮和蜜月的興奮過後,回到現實生活中,漸漸發覺不可能每天都生活在溫馨和幸福中。平淡下來的日子變得太沉悶;需要面對對方身邊的人和事變得太麻煩;要生活得風平浪靜、無衝突、無挫折變得太艱難。夢想幻滅,我們開始苦惱,甚至消沈,更懷疑彼此是否還相愛?

在一次夫婦衝突中,丈夫給氣得說不出話來,衝出門口,臨走前宣告:「真不想再回來!」留在屋子裡的我也氣上心頭,心想:「就不要回來,把我的麻煩也帶走!」過了些時間,擔心和後悔之餘,對著空空的房子,一片惘然,我們為甚麼走到這地步?幾小時之後,他回來了!一股惱兒坐到電腦前,就是要找出專家的意見,斷定我們現在經歷的衝突是甚麼一回事,經一番的分析,要找出出路在哪裡?雖然感覺啼笑皆非,心中卻深受感動。在他身上,我看到甚麼是委身。不管情緒如何波動、不管自我如何受傷,不管自己是否甘心樂意,他的委身勝過他的心情、環境。委身不只是在情意綿綿的時候掛在嘴邊,更是有賴通過日復一日的抉擇來維繫。

夫妻相處總會遇到困難,總會生氣惱怒,但是無論我的心情如何,都不能影響我們的立約,改變不了已經獻出了自己的事實。有了哥林多前書7章4節這最基本的抉擇,我不再消耗精力在保護自己、與配偶保持距離的遊戲上,而是容讓神在我們中間,讓聖靈有空間運作。當愛的感動像輕風或像海浪般湧到心頭時,選擇放下自己,不堅持、不懷疑、不辯駁地,欣然接受神的禮物,就在不可能的時候,也可以愛對方。事情未必如我所願的得解決,但當關係中還能保持有愛的時候,心結溶化,觀點與角度改變,心意能更新,關係得進深。

神所要求我們在婚姻上的委身,不只是單單不離婚(太19:6)。在這個社會上,單單對你的配偶保持忠誠已經是相當了不起的見證。而當你進一步持續、堅定,且創意十足地向他表達愛意時,世界將無法不多看你一眼。神將因此得榮耀。

不經意的牽手、隨意的親暱小動作、言談間的尊重和體諒等,給身邊的人看到,甚至被他們取笑,就由他們笑吧!管得他們是羨慕還是妒忌。濃情蜜意的表達何只是新婚的女兒或戀愛中的兒子的專利,我們老夫老妻更能有創意、特色和經驗呢!我們不單只是生活在一起,我們更是要主動地切實相愛。

愛的維繫是婚姻裡常存的一項工程,是要不斷用心計劃、經營、實行出來。最難的地方是要無論在任何環境下,都要彼此相愛。就在恨不得對一個人破口大罵時,我們得強迫自己安靜下來傾聽對方的不滿。就在渴望自己被了解時,我們得努力去了解對方。就在滿腹苦水不吐不快時,我們得嘗試去了解他人的傷痛。就在準備要指責別人的錯誤時,我們得嚴厲檢視自己不當的態度與言行。

安靜下來傾聽、努力去了解對方、嘗試去了解他人的傷痛、檢視自己,都是愛的表達,也是一個成熟的基督徒,為愛對方而多走一、兩里路的操練。

主動地捨己,先看重對方的需要,卻放下自己的訴求,多走這里路並不容易。口裡雖然安靜,在心中的盤算,很多時都容易往負面方向想。又因為太熟悉對方的個性、習慣、瑕疵和弱點,對方未開口,已經猜想到會聽到的話、會看到的動作。不服氣、輕蔑由心中冒出來。習以為常,就表現出不敬、不尊重。

當我的尊重變成輕蔑時,問題出在我的軟弱,而非妻子(丈夫)的不足。如果我有成熟的靈命,我將以基督的憐憫來看待她(他)的欠缺。尊重是屬靈的操練,是我對妻子(丈夫)該盡的一份責任。

戰場就在自己的心中,就好像保羅說的兩個律在爭戰(羅7:21)。我們要選擇隨從聖靈,拒絕心中負面、自憐、令關係受損的意念,脫離自我中心,從聖靈裡得生命和平安(羅8:6)。

婚姻的美滿、成功與否,都在我們自己的掌握中:我是效法主耶穌愛人如己,主動地去愛配偶,還是要求配偶先學像主耶穌般愛我?

有了愛就能委身,還是有了委身就有愛?我的體會是:愛和尊重與委身其實是火車路的兩條鐵軌,相輔相成,缺一不得。


許多的挑戰、操練中,當然不斷會有失敗、成功、可以做得更好的時候。我們不能放棄,婚姻成長至成熟是一個過程。回頭看一直以來的日誌,任何一天發生的事情,都不能代表我們人生、婚姻的全部。

每一次當愛走到絕路,往事一幕幕會將我們摟住;雖然有時候際遇起伏,至少我們有一起吃苦的幸福。

這是神交付給我們的工作,我們要能堅持忍耐到底,在這些屬靈操練中天天成長!願天下夫妻都有愛、有尊重,終生不渝!(作者是加拿大家新資深合格帶領夫婦)

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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