昔日真理報 -

以前我總在想，“人從哪裡來，為了什麼活著？為什麼活著那麼累？”我來自非基督徒家庭。那時，我媽媽信佛，爸爸雖然不信，但尊重她的信仰。跟爸爸一樣，我和弟弟也是沒有信仰的，但卻經常被媽媽逼著要去拜拜、求平安。即便是這樣，那時小小的我，心裡仍然感到空虛，找不到心裡的平安。也許是因為家族重男輕女的關係，令我感覺到自己的存在是多餘的，因為每個人都把注意力放到了弟弟的身上。

I used to think, “ Where are people coming from? Why people are alive? Why it is so hard for people to earn a living? ” I was born and raised as a none-believer. At that time, my Mum believed in Buddhism. My Dad was not a Buddhist, but he respected my Mum ’ s religion. The same as Dad, both my younger brother and I didn ’ t have any religion. However, all of us were often forced to go temple with my Mum. We were there for worshipping Buddha and seeking peace. However, as a little girl, I felt no peace but emptiness in my heart. This might be because my family valued boys much more than girls. All the attention was on my brother, which made me feel that I was someone surplus.

2004年，爸爸把我和弟弟帶到了加拿大，當時我13歲。當我第一次來到加拿大，這裏對我來說只是一個外國，我只能說一點點的英文，認識的朋友不多。我經常打電話向媽媽哭訴「我要回家，我不要待在這裏！」然而，過了不久，我所有的害怕都消失了。爸爸辛勤工作，常常早出晚歸，繼母常因小事對我咆哮，因此我常常納悶，為什麼媽媽要生下我？位甚麼在這個世上生活是這麼的累？為什麼我不快樂？

In 2004, Dad took my brother and me to Canada. I was 13 years old at the time. When I first came to Canada, here was a foreign land for me. I could speak little English, and I knew little friends. I often called my Mum in tears, “ I want to go home. I don ’ t want to stay here. ” However, all my fears disappeared after a while. Dad worked all the time. He often left early and came home late and my step mother shouted at me for little reasons. As a result, I often wondered, “ Why did my Mum give birth to me? Why is it so tired to live in this world? Why am I unhappy? ”

那時，有聽說過 “耶穌”，但對於宗教，我一直很抗拒。後來得知身邊的一個朋友 Shirley 的一家是基督徒。她媽媽對我好像自己的女兒一樣，而經常臉上帶著笑容。這使我產生了好奇，“為什麼對我那麼好？為什麼總是帶著笑容，難道她生活中都沒有不開心的事情嗎？”

I had heard about Jesus at the time. However, I was against religion. Until I had a Christian friend Shirley, I then personally connected to a Christian family. Her Mum treated me like her own daughter. She smiled all the time. This made me curious. “ Why does she treat me so well? Why does she always smile? Doesn ’ t she have any trouble in life? ”

2008 年的復活節，我的幾個朋友 Candy, Shirley 和她的家人邀請我到 Willingdon 教會。那一次，教會敬拜的音樂深深地打動了我的心。在大堂舞台上懸掛着一幅巨大的螢幕，螢幕裡，有一位身著白衣的男子，牽動着我的視線。他是誰？為什麼會被釘在十字架上？之後，我了解到祂就是耶穌——上帝的獨生子，因為這個世界的罪，祂被釘死在十字架上。為了這個世上的罪人，祂甘願承受所有的一切。祂是我們的主和救主。後來我又參加了 Willingdon 教會慕道班的學習，終於明白為何教會裡的人總是笑容滿面。並非因為他們生活在童話故事裡，而是因為他們願意將生活的每一個層面都交給上帝來管理。他們知道上帝會聆聽他們的禱告，也會在絕路中為他們開出一條路來。只有當我們在上帝面前卸下重擔，安心完成祂所交託的工作時，我們才會感到真的自由。就這樣，我終於找到了心靈喜樂的源泉，同時，我也終於明白了人的心靈為何空虛：因為愛。我終於明白，原來我一直都在尋求愛，而神在約翰福音3章16節教導我們：“上帝愛世人，甚至將祂的獨生子賜給他們，叫一切信他的，不至滅亡，反得永生。”難道還有什麼愛，比上帝的愛更大嗎？再也沒有比耶穌的愛更加無私的愛了。

It was the Easter of 2008 I was invited to Willingdon Church by my friends Candy, Shirley and Shirley ’ s family. At that time, I was touched by worship music in church. There was a big screen in sanctuary. On the screen, there was a guy in white. My eyes were caught by this guy. I was wondering who he was. Why was he crucified on a cross? Later, I knew that he was Jesus, the only son of God. He had been crucified for all the sin in this world. He did this for every sinful person on earth. He was our lord and saviour. After I attended Discovery Class in Willingdon, I finally understood why people in church were always smiling. It was not because they were living in a fairy tale; it was because they were willing to let God take control in every area of their life. They knew that God would listen to their prayer; God would make a way when there was no way. After we casted all of our burdens to God and focused on what we ought to do at the moment, we would feel so free. Therefore, I found the foundation of a joyful heart. Meanwhile, I also figured out the fundamental reason why so many people had felt empty in their hearts. Love was the reason. I finally understood that I had been looking for love, and God taught us in John 3:16, “ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ” Was there any love greater than God ’ s love? There had been nothing as selfless as Jesus ’ love.

我以為事情一直會那麼順利下去，直到兩個月後，聽爸爸說他得了晚期肺癌。我整個人崩潰了，我問神，“為什麼要讓這件事情發生在爸爸身上？”之後的一段時間，爸爸都在做化療。但化療對他來說似乎一點用都沒有，他完全沒有像普通病人該有的病狀，比如：掉頭髮。直到有一天，爸爸突然不能走路了，被送到了溫哥華綜合醫院。雖然碰到了這樣的事情，但自己還是堅持去教堂為爸爸禱告，希望爸爸快點好起來。也在那時候，我真正的意識到了，自己是多麼的沒用，多麼的脆弱。我以前一直以為，“人定勝天”，原來我錯了。人由天定，人定不能勝天。因為當上帝想帶走你的時候，你什麼都不能做。每一次一聽到爸爸在醫院有什麼異常的狀況，我都會很害怕地跪下，哭著禱告求主讓爸爸快點好起來。而每一次，我去到醫院，爸爸就像平常一樣一點事情都沒有。因為主說，“你們祈求，就給你們；尋找，就尋見；叩門，就給你們開門。”（馬太福音7：7）

I thought everything would go smoothly forever until two months later. One day, Dad told me he got late lung cancer. When I heard this news, I was crushing. I asked God, “ Why do you allow this disaster to happen? Why it happens to my Dad? ” After that, Dad was under chemotherapy. However, Chemotherapy showed no effect on him. Dad did not lose any hair like the some other patients. And then, he suddenly couldn ’ t walk anymore. He then was sent to Vancouver General Hospital. When I was experiencing such a hardship, I determined to go Church all the same. I went there to pray for my Dad. I hoped Dad would recover very soon. It was also during that period, I discovered that how useless I was. I was so weak. I used to believe that human beings could conquer the universe. I then realized how wrong I had been. A person couldn ’ t control his life, and a person couldn ’ t conquer the whole universe. When God wanted to take you to somewhere, no one could do anything about it. Whenever I heard Dad was not feeling well in the hospital, I was so scared. I often kneed down in front of my bed and cried to the Lord for his mercy. I prayed that God would heal my Dad. And then, Dad would look as good as any healthy man when I reached the hospital. It proved what Lord had told us in the Bible, “ Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ” (Matthew 7:7)

爸爸是很要強的人，一向只相信他自己。因為信自己比較實際，比較可靠。但當他躺在病床上的時候，他卻曾有好多次都跟我說，他想信耶穌。但因為媽媽信佛，加上是家族男丁的原因，他覺得還是算了。

My Dad was a very independent person. He had only believed his own ability. He thought being independent was the most reliable lifestyle on earth. However, when he was lying in bed, he told me several times that he wanted to believe in Jesus. On the other hand, because of my Mum ’ s religion and my family tradition, he was hesitated to do so.

之前，我一直想讓爸爸留下來，我甚至求神折我的壽命10年去換取爸爸的10年壽命，讓我有機會去孝順他。但當我看到爸爸右邊脖子上的癌細胞從原本有的兩顆，到了很多顆的時候，我意識到強留爸爸，是讓病魔折磨他，不是真正為他好。於是，我跟主說，“主阿，你可以帶走爸爸，但求你讓他在走前，相信你。”感謝主，祂聽了我的禱告。爸爸在轉進安寧病房的三天當中，我們順利地聯絡上了遠在異國的媽媽。我跟媽媽分享了我的見證，媽媽同意讓爸爸相信耶穌。第二天早上，我就打電話請了教會的余牧師、蕭長老等來幫爸爸施洗。爸爸是在2008年11月16號走的，他走得很安詳，臉上還帶著一絲的微笑。而我是在那年的11月2號受洗的，而在短短兩個星期裡，我們父女兩就都得救歸主了，這不是神跡是什麼？

At the beginning, to extend my Dad ’ s life was all I want. I even asked God to take away 10 years of my life to exchange Dad ’ s. I sincerely hoped that I could have chance to take care of my Dad. However, when I saw Dad was suffering day and night because of the cancer, I realized that to live longer was not the best choice for him. Then, I told Lord, “ Dear Lord, you can take my Dad away. However, please make him believe in you before you do so. ” I praised the Lord because he heard my prayer. Before my Dad past away, he stayed in hospice for three days. Within these 3 days, we successfully contacted my Mum who was overseas at the time. I shared my testimony with her, which made her allow Dad to believe in Jesus. On the morning of next day, I called Willingdon Church. Pastor came and baptized my Dad. My Dad passed away on November 16, 2008. When he left for heaven, he was very peaceful. His facial expression was so happy that you could even see his smile. I had been baptized on November 02. Within two weeks, both my Dad and I were saved by our Lord. How amazing it was!

經過這麼多年，發生了好多的事情。但主一直帶領著我，走過了生活中一切的大浪風暴。主說:“在指望中要喜樂，在患難中要忍耐，禱告要恆切。”（羅馬書12：12）我明白了，每個人的存在和被創造，都不是徒然的，神在每一個人的身上都有著美好的旨意。神為每個人量身定做了不一樣的十字架，有些輕，有些重，但都是我們所能背的起的。我們往往為使我重擔能夠輕一些，而選擇了捷徑。但因為這樣，我們往往看不到神美好的恩典。所以不管如何都不要輕易的放棄，因為神一直都在，一直愛著你。還有我們活著不光是為了我們的責任，還有我們的大使命—傳福音。

Many years have passed; there are a lot of things have happened in my life. It is my Lord who has leaded me all the way to here. No matter how big the problem was, he has faithfully guided me. Lord told me through book of Romans 12:12, “ Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ” I now finally understand that there is no accident in God. Every person is created for a purpose. A person exists in this world because there is this good purpose that God has specially designed for him. God has created different kinds of crosses for each person. Each cross is specially designed, too. Some of them are lighter than the other, but all of them are within the limits of their carriers. Often, we choose a short cut in order to make our crosses lighter. However, we will miss God ’ s wonderful grace when we make such a decision. Therefore, don ’ t give up in all circumstances because God is always here with you. He has always loved you. Moreover, we are alive not only for our responsibilities in this world. Most of all, we are here for our great mission — preaching the gospel.

有一天，我坐在電視機旁。

One day, I was sitting beside my TV.

電視裡正在放廣告。

There came an ad.

廣告裡，一個兒子告訴他媽媽，“媽，我要結婚了？”

In the ad, a son told his Mum, “ Mum, I am getting married. ”

媽媽：“是哪個女孩子？”

His Mum: “ Who is that girl? ”

兒子：“那不是一個女孩子……”

Son: “ It ’ s not a girl … ”

我：“天哪？！別告訴我那是個男的！！！”

I was like, “ Holy!!! Don ’ t tell me that it ’ s a guy!!!

兒子：“我要娶的是一塊培根……””

Son, “ It is bacon … ”

我：“還好他愛上塊培根，那總比愛上別的什麼好——毫無疑問的……"

Me: “ He is better to marry the bacon than anything else … for sure … ”

我室友：#$^%&*()%^$#@$%|||

My roommate: #$^%&*()%^$#@$% |||