昔日真理報 -

神的大愛
那個晚上，躺在一張離家四千公里的床上，我陷入了一場對於上帝與愛的沉思之中。早在同一天清晨，我參加了檀香山一間教會的主日崇拜。那天正好趕上他們慶祝母親節，牧師所講的主題是“父母之愛”。崇拜是在一個體育館內進行的，我坐在姐姐和好友身後的一張藍色硬塑料椅子上，享受著某種因隱沒在陌生人海裡而特有的安心。身著粉色T-shirt的母女們在台上獻唱福音詩歌；伴隨著台上旋轉跳躍的芭蕾舞步，敬拜開始了。最後，牧師步向講台，開始講解哥林多前書13章4—7節： “愛是恆久忍耐，又有恩慈；愛是不嫉妒，愛是不自誇，不張狂，不做害羞的事，不求自己的益處，不輕易發怒，不計算人的惡。不喜歡不義，只喜歡真理；凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。”

His Love
I was 2700 miles away from home lying in bed in the darkness of night pondering about love and God. Earlier that morning, I attended Sunday service at a church in Honolulu. They were celebrating Mother's Day and the pastor's sermon was appropriately themed on parental love. The service was held in a school gymnasium the size of a small stadium. I sat wedged between my sister and friend in a hard plastic blue chair. It was comfortable being anonymous among the sea of people in the room. Mothers with their children in matching pink t-shirts started the service with the singing of gospel songs, while ballerinas jumped and twirled on stage. Finally the pastor walked to the pulpit and shared his sermon from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.“

牧師首先解釋，愛並不只是幸福和喜樂，也包括節制與自我犧牲。他批評了那種好萊塢式的浪漫愛情，因為愛並不只存在於兩個相親相愛的人當中。接著他又談到另一種愛，那是一些看似十分平常的舉動：如父母照顧孩子、為他們添衣加食、訓練他們成長，放學後接送他們參加各種課外活動、讓孩子追求自己的興趣；然後，當孩子離家時，獨自忍受離別之苦。這些再尋常不過的內容，那天卻深深觸動了我心。那晚，我躺在床上，呆呆看著房間裡的木製天花板。有多少次，這些無言的愛被我忽視？又有多少次，它們甚至被我曲解？我回憶著我與身邊人的種種。我感到神第一次在我的生命中向我說話。

The pastor explained how love is not composed only of happiness and joy, but also requires temperance and self-sacrifice. He distanced the idea of love from its usual portrayal in Hollywood romances, explaining that love is found not only among people who are happy and fulfilled in each other’s presence. The pastor was describing what on the surface, seemed like a much simpler sort of love. Like how a parent takes care of a child: clothing him, feeding him, disciplining him, driving him to after-school practices and letting him pursue his aspirations, even though it may hurt to let him go. It was a simple concept but it made an impact on me. I lay there in bed staring at the wooden panels in the room. I wondered, how often do gestures of love go unnoticed, or even worse, misinterpreted? I reflected on my personal relationships. It was the first time I felt God speaking into my life.”

那時，我還不是一個基督徒，對信仰所知甚少。我從來沒有加入過任何一個與信仰有關的組織。相應地，我也從未認真思考過有關上帝的問題。直到幾個星期前，這個問題才開始在我腦中徘徊。一位朋友組織了一個基督徒俱樂部，我受邀於他們的成立慶典。為了表示對朋友所付出努力的支持，我欣然前往。那個聚會由敬拜讚美開場，之後在場的年青人在一起就信仰展開了海闊天空的討論。儘管這個聚會並不十分正式，但他們所唱的陌生詩歌，及在言談之間所表現出的對信仰的熱情和張力，讓我覺得十分不自在。在此之前，我並不明白為何人們會成為一名基督徒。對於我來說，這是一個非常奇怪、非常不合邏輯的選擇。可是，這個聚會讓我下定決心學習更多與信仰有關的事情。無論與基督徒或非基督徒朋友們在一起，我總會熱切地與他們談起信仰，希望藉此了解更多。其中一位在夏威夷的朋友——就是之後我與姐姐一同前去短期拜訪的那位——儘管他還不是基督徒，但為了滿足我的好奇心，他找到了這間教會，並帶我前去參加母親節的主日崇拜。

At that time I was not yet a Christian and understood little about the religion. I had never participated in any faith-oriented community, and thus, I had never seriously pondered about God. The topic never surfaced until a few weeks prior, a friend invited me to the inaugural celebration of a new Christian club she formed. I attended the event to show my support for her endeavor. It was a night of worship and chitchat among young, educated students. Although it was a casual event, the unfamiliarity of the songs they sang and the faith-peppered conversations made me feel uncomfortable. I could not understand why people chose to be Christians. It seemed strange and illogical to me. The event fed my determination to learn more about religion. I brought the topic up with friends, both Christian and non-Christian, in hopes to gain a deeper understanding. One of those people was a friend from Hawaii who I later visited on a short vacation with my sister. It was he who brought me to the Mother's Day Sunday service. He is not a Christian himself, but he had sought out the church to indulge my curiosity.

那天晚上，我回億起我與父母之間的種種，想到他們為了姐姐和我所付出的犧牲。他們離開了自己的家庭、朋友、穩定的工作，只是為了讓我們能有一個更好的將來。儘管他們的管教嚴厲，有時甚至言語粗魯，但我知道那些都是發自於內心的愛。回憶往事，我曾經有許多次感到沮喪，覺得父母待我不公；但就像那位牧師所說的，愛並不總是讓人感到愉悅。當我逐漸長大，我更加理解父母的愛，也學會因著他們所做的每一件小事心懷感恩。 於是我想，在神的完美與祂的永恆當中，神的愛又該有多大的能力呢？ ！直到今天，即使我已經成為一名基督徒，我依然無法測透神的愛。父母對兒女的愛已是如此讓人驚嘆，神對祂的兒女的愛就更長闊高深！儘管人類的歷史充滿了對神的悖逆與罪惡，但神卻還是不斷地通過祂的先知和君王來拯救祂的子民，指引他們的道路。最終，神賜下祂的獨生愛子耶穌基督，使他的犧牲讓我們在祂的國度裡得蒙救贖與盼望。無論富足與貧窮、健康或疾病，神的愛永不動搖。自從去到檀香山教會的那一天起，我就被神無瑕疵的愛所感動，進而尋求認識神。直到今日，那位牧師的教導依舊引起我的共鳴。

That same night I lay in bed reflecting on my relationship with my parents who had sacrificed so much for my sisters and I. They left behind friends, family, and a stable career all for our future well-being. They were stern in their discipline and sometimes rough with their words but I know that their actions were out of love. I can recount as a young child how frustrated and unjustified I felt towards some of the things my parents did. But as the pastor said, love is not always about producing and maintaining good feelings. As I grow older, I continue to develop a greater understanding and a deeper appreciation of my parent’s love, right down to the little things they did. How much more powerful then is God's love, which is perfect in its entirety? This is something I cannot fathom even to this day as a Christian. If the love of a parent to his child is already amazing, how much more so is God's love for his own children? Man's history is filled with stories of disobedience and sin, yet time and time again God sends deliverance through prophets and kings to give men guidance. Ultimately, He sends His own son, Jesus Christ, whose sacrifice allows us to have hope and salvation in His Kingdom. Rich or poor, healthy or ill, God's love perseveres. That day in the Honolulu church, I was moved by the thought of His perfect love and began my search to find out who this God is. To this day, the pastor's teaching still resonates with me.

神的看顧
那是2009年的十二月中旬，母親染上了久久不癒的感冒。她身材圓潤、個子嬌小，自從我記事時起，她總是我們家第一個得感冒的人。聖誕節過後，她在問診家庭醫生後就立即被送往大醫院治療。那時，她的心跳快得不尋常，而醫生也只能暫時用藥物將她的心率降下來。幾天後，母親因為感到下腹劇痛，又被再次送院。這一次，醫生為她做了更徹底的檢查。報告結果顯示，母親患上的是腎癌 -- 第三期。

His Providence
It was in mid-December of 2009, when my mother fell ill with a stubborn cold that would not go away. My mother had a round, petite frame. For as long as I remembered, she was always the first to catch an illness in our family. She visited the doctor after the Christmas holidays and was promptly sent to the hospital because of an unusually fast heart rate. The doctors were able to slow it down with medication. However. a few days later my mother experienced a sharp pain in her lower abdomen. Once again, she was rushed to the hospital. This time, the doctors took some scans and samples. When the test results came back it was conclusive that my mother had kidney cancer, stage III.

在我們一家的腦海中，那段日子是一連串恐怖的記憶。開始，我們認為只是簡單的感冒，結果卻像雪球一樣越滾越大。接二連三的打擊對我們來說異常難熬，我想，對於當時的母親來說，必定是更加難以承受的噩耗。

It was a scary moment for my entire family. What we thought was a simple cold had snowballed into something bigger. It was difficult to be hit with such bad news successively. I cannot imagine how much harder it must have been for my mother.

接下來的幾個星期裡，我們把所有的注意力都集中在母親身上。父親每天上班前和下班後，都為母親準備豐富的餐點；姐姐停止尋找工作，而我也辭掉兩份工作中的一份。母親常常隔幾個小時就陷入昏睡，然後又從睡夢中驚醒。隨著時間的流逝，她感到越來越疲憊，胃口也越來越差。一天早上，我在洗盤子的時候發現母親盤中的雞蛋、土豆餅、奇異果和酸奶絲毫未動。看到曾經食慾旺盛的母親變成了這樣，我非常地難過。對她來說，比起食物，她更想要的是需不斷換水的熱水袋。 這段時間裡，神的同在保守了我們全家。教會的朋友發郵件給我，詢問我們家裡的情況，並轉告我教會所發生的事情。為了鼓勵母親，他們將鮮花送到她的病榻前；家人朋友也紛紛登門探訪。每一個微小的舉動，都是母親的精神支柱；人們的幫助和關心，都是從神而來的祝福。

For the next few weeks our family priorities changed. My father prepared bountiful meals for my mother before he left for work and after he came home every night. My sister ceased her career search, and I quit one of my two jobs. My mother slipped in and out of sleep every few hours. She grew more tired as the days passed and her appetite decreased significantly. While cleaning the dishes one morning I noticed she left the contents of her breakfast—an egg, hash brown, kiwi, and yogurt—untouched on her plate. It was difficult to see her this way as she always had a healthy appetite. In place of food, she would repeatedly ask for her thermos to be filled with steaming hot water. God's presence held strong during these times. Some of my church friends sent emails enquiring about the well-being of my family and updated me on things happening at church. Flowers were sent to my mother for encouragement and family friends stopped by to visit. Each small action helped lift my mom's spirit. It was a blessing to see people's support and care.

也就是在這段時間裡，母親開始尋求耶穌基督。一個星期六的下午，我的主任牧師專程前來探訪，與母親一同為她的信心禱告。那天之後，母親手持一本袖珍靈修書籍，通過 skype 向遠在海外讀書的姐姐宣布她已經是教會的一員了。

It was also during this time when my mother came to Christ. My senior pastor came for a visit one Saturday afternoon and prayed with her regarding her faith. In the days afterwards, my mother held onto a small book of devotions and announced to my sister living abroad that she was now a member of the church.

一個星期五的下午，母親被送往哥倫比亞皇家醫院進行切除腎臟的手術，為了除去癌細胞，醫生需要把她其中的一個腎臟切除。這是一個非常危險的手術，我們全家在惴惴不安的心情中期待著手術的結果。幾個小時過去了，醫生們出現在手術室的門口，他們委婉地告訴我們，母親可能撐不過當天晚上。震驚與悲傷籠罩了我們全家人，直到母親在世的最後一分鐘，我們都一直陪在她的身邊。從母親去看家庭醫生那天起，直至她去世，正好過了一個月的時間。

On one Friday afternoon, my mother was sent into surgery at the Royal Columbian hospital. The doctors needed to remove one of her kidneys to get rid of the cancer. It was a dangerous operation and my family waited in nervous anticipation. A few hours later, the doctors emerged from the operating room. They broke the news—my mother would not make it through the night. My family was overcome with shock and grief. We stayed with my mother until her last moments. It was exactly one month since she had gone to see the family doctor in hopes to get rid of her stubborn cold.

接下來的幾個星期就在恍惚之中流逝了。全家人都陷入了深深的悲慟之中。神是我唯一能夠得到安慰的源頭。我緊緊地抓住聖經中的兩句經文：“他們不再飢、不再渴，日頭和炎熱也必不傷害他們。因為寶座中的羔羊必牧養他們，領他們到生命水的泉源；神也必擦去他們一切的眼淚。”（啟7:16-17）我確信，母親已安息在神的國度裡了。

The weeks afterwards were a blur. My family was lost in deep mourning. God provided to be my only source of comfort. I held onto a Bible verse, “Never again will they hunger, never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat down on them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the center before the throne will be their shepherd; He will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.” (Revelation 7:16-17) I have assurance knowing that my mother is resting at peace in the kingdom of God.

在朋友和教會的幫助下，我們得以順利地完成了母親的安息禮拜，結束了無休止的文件報告，辦理了母親離世後的各種相關手續。但最讓我心痛的，莫過於聽到父親在整理母親的遺物時，間或傳來的失聲痛哭——這是我在之前二十幾年的生命裡從未見過的。時間緩慢地踱著步子一天一天走過，在那些日子裡，我們掙扎著努力調整，確保能盡快適應未來所有那些不再有母親相伴的歲月。

Somehow, with the help of friends and the church, we organized my mother's funeral service and completed endless paperwork required after a person's death. We went through the painful task of going through my mother's belongings. On occasion my father would cry suddenly, which I had never seen him do before. The days went by at a slow and steady pace as we struggled adjusting to a life without my mother.

回首往事，我知道即使在那段日子裡，神也從未停止祂對這個家庭的看顧。雖然我們的心在悲傷中徹底破碎，但神卻通過朋友和親戚的照顧，一直安慰著我們。因著祂的能力，我們才能夠得以繼續前行。母親去世之後，神在各方面都不停地祝福我們。我們一家更加齊心，我們也更懂得珍惜、享受生命中一點一滴的快樂。姐姐信主了，而父親的靈命也得到復興——我們的新生命就是神對我們家的奇異恩典的最佳明證。

Looking back, I know that God never ceased watching over my family during this time. Although my family was utterly broken in grief, He gave us comfort through the care we received from friends and relatives. It is only with God's strength that we were able to pick up our lives and move forward day by day. Since the passing of my mother, God has continued to bless my family in many ways. We have grown stronger as a family unit and we can seize the opportunities for joy and celebration in our lives. Moreover, my sister has come to Christ and my father is rekindling his faith. We are living proof that God provides in amazing ways.