Home昔日真理報2012年 真理報文章2012 年 10 月【社會心】認識自己情緒的方法

【社會心】認識自己情緒的方法

 

上期討論到人對情緒的反應是三大方向,傾向于被動而讓情緒帶動,抑或是逆來順受,還是在自己掌握之下?今期繼續討論「認識自己情緒」的方法。

人生中總會在某時候有一些重大的事件發生(例如兒子中學畢業成績奇差,未能升大學;懷疑丈夫可能有第三者;在家中意外嚴重受傷......等),讓我們產生負面情緒,比如極度失望、憤怒、哀傷或是恐懼。這些情緒困擾,形成焦慮或抑鬱的症狀,當事人往往未能察覺到,甚至在本能反應下拒絕承認,這在心理學上稱為"自我防衛"(Defense Mechanism),主要作用是避免面對承受更大的傷痛。但若長期逃避,也會造成心裡不平衡,病情更易惡化。面對種種困擾,該如何處理?

首先問問自己,此時此刻我想到的是什麼?是預想中的畫面,還是已經發生了的事實?例如:懷疑丈夫者的太太,當見到丈夫的電話月結單有超額情況,你的第一時間反應是甚麼?不由分說先假設有,並立刻質詢查問,還是想到有其他的可能性?內心可否以客觀平常心看待及接納其他解釋?

其次,考察自己的想法是不是合理。當能辨別想法是真實的還是主觀假設時,自己的不良情緒或許就能減輕許多。進一步推想,我們會否太容易把假設的可能性看作事實?上述例子的電話單超額,又或是車子有別人坐過,垃圾袋裡有很多香口膠,這些蛛絲馬跡是否與說明一定與第三者有關?

其實,可以有很多可能性,例如:丈夫為安排下月旅行資料搜集,因而多用電話;有同事坐車一起去開會/午飯,而同事又有吃香口膠的習慣。合宜的行動又該怎麼做?首先,可以不理,不必要為小事而引發更大的爭議;其次,如有不問清楚不安樂的心,可以用輕鬆語調探討是否電話公司出錯,絕不含有暗示對方有問題的語氣。

情緒受想法帶動

情緒困擾很大程度是與我們的非理性想法(Irrational Thinking)有關。美國著名的心理治療者亞伯.艾麗斯(Albert Ellis),提出了認知行為治療法(Cognitive Behavior Therapy, CBT),其主要概念在於「你的想法造成你的感受」。而想法可以有理性和非理性。

如果我們使用非理性的想法去看事情,想法中可能包含了不合邏輯,不恰當的希望或強求,往往會讓我們變得情緒化,同時也無法改變現狀。所以當我們心情不好時,可能就已經沉浸在非理性想法中。而認識自己的情緒,也同時要去認識自己的非理性想法。我們現在去檢視我們的想法是否"非理性":

11種常見的"非理性想法":
(1)一個人應該被週圍的每一個人(如配偶、父母、朋友)所愛與稱讚 (如丈夫應該要贊許我是個好妻子)。

(2)一個人必須非常能幹、完美及成功,如此他才有價值。

(3)有一些人是不好的、邪惡的、卑鄙的﹔他們應該被責備、被處罰。

(4)期待不得償,或計劃不能實現,是一件恐怖的災禍 (我努力為兒子提供良好學習環境,卻得不到良好成績入大學,是一件令人傷痛的事)。

(5)不幸福或不快樂是由外在情況所引起,一個人對不幸福、不快樂是無法可施的事實(我不開心是兒女或丈夫導致的)。

(6)對危險、可怕的事情我們必須非常關心,而且必須時時刻刻憂慮其危險性及可怕性(地震將會在溫哥華發生;公司裁員潮快臨到我!)

(7)逃避困難及責任,是比面對它們容易。

(8)一個人應該依賴他人,且必須有一個強者為靠山。

(9)過去的經驗與事件決定影響目前的行為,而那些影響是永不消失的。

(10)一個人應為別人的問題與適應不良感到難過。

(11)每一問題都只有一個正確、完善的解答,我們必須找到它,不然,那將是災禍。

破除非理性想法,可以幫助我們正向地積極來面對處理事情,心情也自然輕鬆了。

如何破除"非理性想法"?

1.檢驗自己的想法是否合乎邏輯,是否合乎現實,是否能幫我達到目標?簡單說,用常識和常理去判斷!

2.挑戰絕對性:如"人們應該......"、"每個人都作的比我好......",想想這些想法合乎現實嗎?怎可以因自己提供最好環境,便期望兒子"應該"考試成績美滿可直入大學?

3.挑戰"非黑即白"二分法的思考:例如:"丈夫若非全然愛我,便是有第三者"這想法是必然的嗎?

4.解除災難性的思考:例如:如果男友真的有第三者,我就完蛋了。

5.利用損益分析:把問題劃分出"虧損/利益"表,思考有做這件事情的優點及缺點,和沒有作這件事情的優點和缺點。例如"讓剛有駕駛執照的兒子開車返學"的損益比較;兒子"考入大學"與"考不入大學改入大專"的比較。經過討論、思考、寫下、比較等過程,相信你的情緒己冷卻下來。下期繼續討論。

 

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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