【社會心】高EQ的生命(3)

 

上期談到三種活出高 EQ 生命力量的原動力,就是"成長"、"堅持"、"放下",這三種力量匯合所建立的表現,便可看出具有自信心的八項特徵。以下,請看看各位的自尊感有多少。

1、我覺得自己是一個有好外貌的人

每個人都有一個身體及其外貌,不是可以選擇的,因為絕大部分在出生前已被你父母的遺傳因子所定。你,是否喜歡你的身體呢、外貌呢?會否覺得還有某些部位不夠完美,例如高度、身體各部位的比例、膚色、眼的大小......等等?要對自己有高自信,首先要對自己的身體外貌有 "完全接納",不再把關注點放在自己的身體外貌上。當你能接納自己外貌之後,你便得到 "釋放",情緒也自然容易輕鬆開心。要明白,別人對你的欣賞,若只停留在外貌,其實是很膚淺的,不必太在意這些 "朋友" 的看法。

2、我覺得別人真的喜歡和我傾談

大多數人都喜歡與別人傾談,但是否別人都 "喜歡" 與你傾談,那是另一回事。首先,你真的善於傾談嗎?還是較多被動地簡單回應那類?你有主動帶出話題嗎?你的回應會不會令人感到興趣繼續討論下去?還有,你傾談時,會否面帶笑容呢?有沒有眼神接觸呢?言之有物、積極主動、身體語言等等,都是影響別人是否喜歡和你傾談的要素。如你做到這些,你的感覺便更為真實了,自信心也自然流露。

3、我覺得自己是一個能幹的人

覺得自己是否能幹,確實是自信心很重要的特徵。然而,我卻常見有些人較為 "自我吹噓",實際卻是 "講就天下無敵,做就無能為力"。另一方面,亦有很多人傾向視自己沒有能力,甚至過份自貶。他們放大了 "不成功" 的部分,但對自己 "可幹的" 卻過於縮小,亦即傾向自卑。有自信心的人,並不是沒有缺點,只不過他對自己的強項和弱點皆欣然接納,不自大、不推卸、不卑不亢。他會不斷從錯誤中學習,自信心是漸漸建立起來的。

4、我覺得我能給別人好印象

印象,是很微妙而又主觀的。你覺得有好印象,和對方是否有此感覺,不是常常可以印證,很難知道是否有此 "好印象"。然而, "難知",不等於 "不能知",能否給予對方好印象,你的 "感覺" 會告訴你。當你對對方有好印象時,你也會在話別時,報以親切友善而溫馨的微笑,是很自然又帶著好感,甚至有點 "酒逢知己千杯少" 的感覺。到下次傾談時,對方的反應便是印證。留下好印象,其實是果,先前的交往討論過程是因。同樣,你覺得你能給別人好印象,是你有自信的果。


5、我覺得我很有幽默感

"一句話說得合宜,就如金蘋果在銀網子裡。" (箴言25:11)同樣,一句合宜的幽默笑話,也能令到在場氣氛輕鬆,甚至叫人捧腹大笑,令人回味難忘。合宜的幽默,不單只是叫人笑,更重要是你的反應、用辭、說出時機,都能讓每個人都明白,識得反應-笑;如果只有你識笑,其他人沒有反應,你的笑便不可笑!合宜的幽默感非天生,可鍜練,也是你的自信表現。


6、我覺得如果我有機會得到栽培,我會一樣做到別人的同樣水平

一個有自信的人,總是勇於向前,接受挑戰,視困難為可克服的難題。記得那位四肢缺乏的澳洲人 力克.胡哲(Nick Vujicic)嗎?他生下來就沒有四肢,醫學不能解釋他殘障的原因,但更不可思議的是﹕騎馬、打鼓、游泳、足球,力克樣樣皆能。他擁有兩個大學學位,是企業總監,更於 2005 年獲得 "傑出澳洲青年獎"。他為人樂觀幽默、堅毅不屈,熱愛鼓勵身邊的人,年僅 25 歲,他已踏遍世界各地,接觸三百萬人,激勵他們的人生。沒有四肢他力克做得到,你可也有此自信心?


7、我覺得自己是一個很好品性的人

一個自信強的人,容易走向自負,甚至自大,更甚者走向自義。這樣,很難叫人覺得他是個好品格的人。那麼,如何做到一個好品格的人呢?我相信離不開以下要點:謙讓有禮、包容體諒、耐性聆聽、隨和易處、做事主動積極、勇於表達意見、言行一致、表裡如一。要具備這些優良特質,也非一朝一夕可至。品性培養,是一生的功力和操練過程,如能經常有此思考,已很接近了。


8、我的朋友對我評價很高

一個人的外在言談表現,往往反應其內心世界狀態。一個人經歷長時間與你相處,對你總會得到一些印象。若超過一半認識你一段頗長時間的朋友也有此回應,這便是你的評價了。朋友的回應,是最佳的印證(假如他們是實話實說)。能夠得到朋友的高度評價,亦聽到他們對你的具體欣賞之處,那便顯示出你過往的行為,已經在他們的心中建立了對你的看法。能夠得到大多數朋友的高評價,你絕非 "浪得虛名"。

自信心的八項特徵,每人總會有些,某部分較多,另外的或許略少。各位看過此文之後,可否即時檢閱,看看那部分感到很強,給滿分!再看那部分較低,讓這些項目成為你在 2013 年的個人成長操練目標之一。預祝你生命不斷成長,自信繼續提升。

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

Go to top