【夫妻同心】美滿一族

 

Couple

 

結婚那麼多年,我一直對我們夫婦的婚姻生活覺得滿意。太太溫柔體貼,我也算是一個不錯的老公,我們沒有大吵大鬧,也沒有長期冷戰,我很慶幸可以擁有一個幸福美滿的家庭。所以當我們夫婦之間偶爾有衝突的時候,我就安慰太太說,我們的婚姻雖然不是最好的,但是比上不足,比下還有一大餘。誰家沒有本難唸的經呀,我們已經比很多夫婦好多了,應該知足了。

記得在多年前,太太幾次提起,想要去參加夫婦恩愛營。因為她的朋友參加過,而且他們夫婦在營會裡獲益良多,還一再鼓勵我們也要去參加。他們夫婦不僅送給我們家新的夫婦恩愛營禮券,還說參加營會期間還可以幫我們帶孩子。可我提不起一點興趣,我還是堅持:夫婦營,婚姻講座或一些婚姻輔導書籍等等;都是為那些夫婦關係出了問題的夫婦們而預備的,像我們夫婦這樣,還屬於 "美滿一族" 的就根本沒有必要去。兩口子住在一個屋簷下,偶爾吵吵鬧鬧是很正常,何必那樣大驚小怪。

一年過去了,太太還沒有放棄她的家新夢,跟我說她真的覺得我們有必要去參加夫婦恩愛營了。我還記得當時我說:怎麼了,你真覺得我們的關係很差嗎?你是否最近活得很不開心?可她說沒有,只不過她覺得參加夫婦恩愛營也許可以幫助我們的婚姻更美滿。

抱著去渡假和陪伴太太的心態,我還是勉強同意和她去參加夫婦恩愛營。至於跟著下來在三天兩夜的營會裡發生的事,參加過的夫婦們都清楚,而沒有參加過的夫婦我鼓勵你們一定要自己親身去體會,所以我在這裡也就不多說了。

只是三天兩夜的營會給我們夫婦大開眼界,出營地的時候我們倆心裡都甜絲絲的像剛渡完蜜月回來的新婚夫婦一樣。可是好景不常,沒過多久我們不僅打回了原形,而且不知為何覺得關係還比以前還差了。我懷疑在夫婦恩愛營所學到的東西是不是太理論化了,為什麼一到現實生活裡就行不通了呢。我疑惑,迷惘,失望....

過了很長的日子,我才終於明白原來一切的問題都不在於對方。主要的問題是在我自己。

原來我發現,我很多時候不開心的原因是自己對事情的很多執著和對家人的過份的期望。由於自己追求完美,也要求家裏人能做到事事盡善盡美。例如:用過的東西應該馬上放回原來的位子、吃剩的飯菜也要立刻包好放進冰箱、進出房間一定要隨手關好門,以防熱氣流失,特別是冬天、開飯時家中每一個人都要盡快就坐,飯只可以趁熱馬吃等等,在很多生活習慣的細節上,我期望太太和孩子們做得和我一樣。如果他們沒有達到我的要求,我就會不開心,並且以教訓的方式教導他們應該怎樣做,並且要做好。我顯然成了家中的法,家中的律,孩子們還開玩笑地說:爸爸是家裡的警員。到頭來,當然是 "警員抓小偷","小偷" 屢教不改,"警員" 氣得半死。結果事情沒有解決,反傷了一家人的和氣。

可是反過來細想,我自己也不是一個完全的人,我也有很多的缺點,也有不讓太太滿意的地方。起碼我太太也覺得我書房的桌子永遠堆滿了各種文件和書信。太太告訴我,房屋需要修裡,清洗的事情,我都一而再,再而三地找出各種理由拖延。也經常忽略太太的感受而使她感覺不被理解...但自己卻總能找出一大堆理由來原諒自己,可是對待家裡人則用另外一把尺子來衡量他們。

家庭不是法庭,不是講理的地方,是講愛的地方。如何讓太太更多地感受到我的愛,我覺得首先是從改變自己開始。把指向對方的手指收回來,放在自己心上。看看自己是否做好丈夫的責任。因為丈夫是家裡的頭,上樑不正下樑歪。用真心多一點包容和接納妻子,多一點的尊重和關愛。夫婦相處之道也是一個需要活到老,學到老的功課。我也深信婚姻裡沒有最好,只有更好。

感謝神能讓我在恩愛營裡學到了很多有關婚姻正確觀念和改善夫婦關係的操練方法。雖然我到目前也沒有把學會的東西一一的應用在自己的婚姻生活中。但慶幸的是我和太太已經知道我們現在在哪裡,將來要往哪裡去。只要朝著這個方向邁進,我們的婚姻只會越來越美滿幸福。

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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