【夫妻同心】靠主得勝

 

感謝教會及牧師對恩愛夫婦營的大力支持,尤其感激牧師多年來輔導我們夫妻。參加恩愛夫婦營會實在受益不淺,使我對夫妻之間相處及溝通方式有更深的認識。同時更看到自己以前沒看到的,就是本身的盲點、高傲、自私、苦毒。當夫妻發生爭執、意見不和時,總認為對方是錯的,爭執不休,也毫無結果。我常將不滿的事情強忍下去,但問題一直存在。

 

在營會中,看到邱會長及竹君師母的誠心教導:會長對課程精心的設計,師母不顧自己身體的疾病,願意來幫助丈夫,共同為主的事工擺上自己所有的。在演練時,他們夫妻之間的行為與動作都是真情的流露,決非是一個教導試驗的態度。當會長誠心流淚,向竹君師母表示歉意,未能盡心的看顧師母的那一刻,我心中的眼淚流出來了。再看其他十一對夫妻在操練的時候,弟兄姐妹們彼此認罪,彼此手握手,淚水相交,說出多年來隱藏心中的話......。我是第一次經歷到這一切,都是聖靈在動工。

回想自己二十七年的婚姻生活中,有三分之二以上過得並不幸福,關鍵在於對上帝的話語認識不夠,依然自我中心,萬事都以為自己對而對方不對。尤其在一九九七年,這是我一生當中最低落的時期。天父慈愛的手透過弟兄姐妹的愛心將我帶到教會,我過著一個追求永恆生命的新生活。太太是在我信主兩年後,由於我的改變及聖靈的感動也信了主。

 

我們夫妻之間的關係雖然有所改善,但一直總是處於無法妥協的階段,時常有爭執。牧師為我們輔導了兩年多的時間,我們的婚姻雖有改善,但一直都無法突破。在我們關係冰冷的時期,牧師著我們試寫出對方的優點。太太寫了我幾項優點,但我卻一點都寫不出來。回想起來我實在是心硬如鋼,這實在是因我心中的苦毒及高傲,無法謙卑下來倒空自己,與主耶穌基督的教導完全背道而馳。

 

在孩子還未上大學前,夫妻雙方為避免在孩子面前衝突,所以過著非常虛偽的生活,貌合心離。我盡量以賺錢養家為借口不回到家中,那段日子實在過得太辛苦。待孩子去大學後,就毫無顧忌地面對面互揭瘡疤,數落對方的不是。我們都非常愛這個家及孩子,但就是無法接受對方的一切,無法溝通,爭執不停,時常有「反正孩子已長大,大不了就分開」這個想法。

 

我知道這是撒旦的詭計,他千方百計要破壞我的婚姻家庭。孩子離家後,經濟壓力也減輕了,我有較多的時間思考聖經的教導,也深知上帝所配合的婚姻是神聖的,不可隨便拆毀。我們一直朝著這個方向去努力化解我們之間的關係,儘管一路走得非常辛苦,但我們都能靠著主耶穌得勝,邁向更美好的婚姻生活。

 

夫婦營會使我學習到夫妻溝通的技巧及配偶的認可,更看到自己的不是,願意謙卑下來服侍對方。當發生爭執的時候不再去評理,因各持己見而毫無結果。現在我學會了接納對方的感覺。一件事的對與錯很難下定論,對方的感覺不一定是對或錯,所以我體會到對方在不同立場及環境之下對某件事會有不同感覺。在家裡,我也體會到夫妻間不能評理,只能講愛。


我也學習到「讚美」的功用。以前我這有大男人主義情結的人決不會說些讚美對方、感謝對方的話,認為是不必要的,因為對方是知道的,不用言語說出,但事實並非如此。同時我也發現,我在經濟及生活上的壓力,導致心態的不平衡,當中疏忽了對太太的關懷。當在營會中看到邱會長對師母真情告白,及參與的弟兄們對姐妹們的愛心傾訴,使我這顆剛硬的心軟化下來。我檢討自己的不足,不單增進了夫妻間的關係,更增進了弟兄姐妹之間的關係。我們好像一家人,彼此學習關懷。

 

在營會裡所學到及體會到的,再一次激動我的內心,我願愛主更深。這一切都是祂為我們安排的,天父永遠的慈愛一直都眷顧祂所揀選的兒女,永不離棄,我願意時常存著感恩的心為主擺上。

 

我們的夫妻生活能維持到現在,都是因主的愛在我們當中。願聖靈常與我們同在,因為我們承認自己的軟弱,需要靠主得勝。我們學習到不少功課,目前正在實習操練當中,期待有一天完全可以過著合乎神心意的夫妻生活。請弟兄姐妹們彼此代禱,使我們每一對夫妻都能為主所用,並幫助需要幫助的夫妻。感謝主!

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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