漫漫屬靈路--曹景鑾的見證
作者：曹景鑾 翻譯：小米
剛到加拿大那年，我就認識了基督的教會。我是在聖誕節的時候，被我家人的朋友第一次帶去教會的。我們大家在教會度過了非常愉快的時光。那次在教會的經歷給我留下的美好的回憶，對我來說至今歷歷在目。後來，我們就被再次邀請到同一個教會，去參加他們的主日崇拜和查經班。因著教會給我們的好印象，我們很高興地接受了邀約。可是到了後來，我卻又慢慢對教會失去了興趣。最主要的原因是，我那時才不到 10 歲，那些查經用的資料對我來說太深奧了。後來，我們搬家了。新家離教會很遠，想要繼續參加那裡的活動，就變得很不方便。
我高中的時候，認識了葛蘭。我發現他對基督教也有一定了解，而且他對教會的印像也很好。我告訴他，我也去過教會。我也挺喜歡那裡的。幾年以後，葛蘭交了一個在神學院深造的朋友。那個朋友邀請我們去參加查經班。在那個查經班裡，我決志信主了。大約 9 個月以後，我受洗了。在那個小組裡，我還遇到了把我帶去威靈頓教會的朋友。那時候，我的信心不大，又在事業上經歷了很多挫折。漸漸地，我越來越不相信主。到了最後，我也就不去教會了。我那時的情況，很像馬太福音7:24-27所描寫的:
"所以，凡聽見我這話就去行的，好比一個聰明人，把房子蓋在磐石上；雨淋，水沖，風吹，撞著那房子，房子總不倒塌，因為根基立在磐石上。凡聽見我這話不去行的，好比一個無知的人，把房子蓋在沙土上；雨淋，水沖，風吹，撞著那房子，房子就倒塌了，並且倒塌得很大。"
我就是那個無知的人，我的屬靈根基很脆弱，遇到雨淋、水沖、風吹，我的靈命就倒塌了。
大約在 10 年時間裡，我的生活都跟信仰沒有什麼。葛蘭和我一起幹了很多不得神喜悅的事。幸好，葛蘭後來遇到了很多困難。他回到了主的身邊。而我自己則要到 4 年以後，才終於回到主耶穌的寶座前。在那幾年裡，我覺得葛蘭腦子有問題。他整天在教會服侍，也沒時間跟我一起去玩。那時候，我們的人生道路迥異。我跟另一群人在一起消磨時光，他則把他的全副精力放在教會。我試著盡量跟他保持距離，並且努力把這種距離保持地不著痕跡。然後，神開始動工了。有一天，我的車壞了，葛蘭又是機修師。我就只好打電話給葛蘭修車。事實上，我在給他打電話之前掙扎了好久。我坐在車裡掙扎，是因為我覺得我之前對他的態度那麼不好，我實在是沒臉去找他。後來，我還是硬著頭皮給他打了電話。最後，葛蘭把我的車修好了，幫了我一個大忙。我於是想起我們以前是多麼好的朋友。在我有困難的時候，我可以找他幫忙。我可以相信他。接著，我對他的態度也就隨之改變了。我也能接受他去教會、在侍奉主的事情上花時間了。
在那段日子裡，我又發現我身邊的那群夥伴，其實不是些什麼好人。於是，我就開始去葛蘭服侍的那個教會參加聚會了。我們的友誼至此歷久彌新。他那時候經常給我作見證，告訴我神是怎麼在他的生命裡面動工的。那時的我還沒怎麼準備好，直到我自己也慢慢在每天的生活當中更多地經歷神，我的心就更加向神敞開了。我經常去參加查經班，我也去威靈頓教會參加主日崇拜。對那時的我來說，對我的屬靈成長最有幫助放熱是去 UBC 參加查經小組。在那裡，我們單單仰望主，我們的心思意念全然放在尋求神的國和神的義上面。
在我重新委身基督的過程中，有一本書對我的幫助很大。書中提到，要成為一個基督徒的前提條件，並不是成為一個完美人。在這之前，我一直以為我必須在其他基督徒面前表現得毫無缺點。可是那時候的我實際上一直被一些壞習慣所捆綁。但是，當我得知耶穌基督對於我這樣的人始終不離不棄的時候，我的心裡就充滿了屬天的平安。就好像路加福音5:31-32中所說的，"耶穌對他們說：無病的人用不著醫生；有病的人才用得著。我來本不是召義人悔改，乃是召罪人悔改。". 當我對於神的憐憫和信實有了更深的體會以後，我就不再羞於向神禱告了，而當我每次打開《聖經》靈修的時候，我的心裡面也就不再被內疚感所纏繞。這些都已經是 2004 年的事情了，自那以後，我每天都有固定的靈修、禱告時間。我去參加教會的主日崇拜、查經班、還選修了各種課程來幫助我在屬靈成長的道路上更進一步。每次我參加完主日或是讀完《聖經》，我總是能在神的國度裡面有新的得著。自從我重新委身基督，我的生活並沒有變得一帆風順。我經歷了很多試煉，但是我從沒有想過要離開耶穌。我深深覺得好好建造立足於耶穌基督的屬靈根基，對於在靈裡能夠真正站穩至關重要。
最後，我想要說的是，我真心相信神的主權是從永遠直到永遠的。從他在我的生命中撒下福音的種子開始，到他讓那種子一天一天成長起來，他始終坐著為王。雖然，我的屬靈成長歷時久遠，但是當神的時候到了，我的生命就在他的國都裡鬱鬱蔥蔥地長起來了。有時候，對於神的計劃，我也有疑惑，但是神不斷地向我證明，他始終在我身邊。他通過詩篇48:14告訴我, "因為這神永永遠遠為我們的神；他必作我們引路的，直到死時。"而我也相信他的應許必不落空。有些時候，我也想要掌控我自己的生命，但是每一次神都向我證明這一想法是多麼愚蠢。我所能做的最好的決定，就是讓神在我的生命中全然掌權，實際上，我的一切都是神給的，並沒有什麼是屬於我自己的。當我選擇來先求他的國他的義的時候，他會照顧我生活當中的一切需要。這是因為馬太福音6:33告訴我說，"你們要先求他的國和他的義，這些東西都要加給你們了。"
Long Long Journey--A Testimony From Allan Cho
Written by Allan Cho Translated by Naomi
I was exposed to Christianity during the first year that I came to Canada. It was during Christmas that my sister's friend brought us to church. It was a wonderful experience that I still remember until today. Then my sister and I were invited back to attend the service and the bible study. Since we had a wonderful experience, we accepted the invitation. As time went on, I lost my interest in church for a variety of reasons. I think the materials they were trying to teach me was too deep because back then I was only 9 or 10 years old. Later, our family moved further away from the church which made it very inconvenient to join the fellowship.
When I was in high school, I met Glen. I found out that he was exposed to Christianity, and he had a positive impression. I told him that I went to church before, and my overall experience was also good. Several years later, Glen had a friend who was studying to be a pastor. He would invite us to Bible studies. During that time, I accepted Jesus into my heart. Around 9 months later, I was baptized. In that group, I met a friend who brought me to Willingdon Church. During that time, my faith was not strong, and I experienced a lot of difficulties in my career. Gradually, I would trust God less and less until I completely lost my interest in Church again. My situation was similar to the one described in Matthew 7:24-27:
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."
I was the foolish builder, my foundation was weak. When the storm came, I couldn't withstand it.
I lost faith for about 10 years. During that time, Glen and I did many things that displeased God. Fortunately, Glen experienced difficulties. He had turned back to God around 4 years before I did. At that time, I thought he was crazy because he spent so much time with his church, and we weren't able to do the things we used to do. I think in the period we kind of grew apart. I would hang out with other people, and he would spend his time in church. I would try to distance myself from him although I didn't make it obvious. Then God began to work, my car didn't start so I had to call Glen, who was working as an auto mechanic. Actually, I sat in my car for 10 minutes before I called him. This was because I felt guilty of what my attitude was towards him. Finally I decided to call him, and he was very helpful in fixing my car. This situation reminded me of our friendship. It was so strong that I could count on him for help. My attitude towards him changed, and I would accept him spending his time in church.
Also during that time, I found out that the people I hung out with weren't great people. I would slowly start to go to the church where Glen was serving. Our friendship began to grow closer again. He would try to tell me how God had worked in his life regularly. Initially, I was not ready to accept it. However, as time went on, I experienced different things in my life, and my heart began to soften. I would attend bible study regularly again, and then I would attend Willingdon Church regularly again. The most helpful thing for my spiritual growth was having bible study on UBC campus. There was no distraction. From the time we arrived to the campus on Sundays, we just concentrated on the bible study. We did nothing to make this person happy or that person happy. We focused on God and his kingdom.
One thing that helped me to commit to Jesus again was a book that I had read. In the book, it said that I didn't have to be perfect in order to be a Christian. I used to have this impression that I had to be a perfect person in order to be a Christian. I thought that I had to act in a perfect way around other Christians. During that time, I still had some bad habits. However, knowing that Jesus still loves me even though I am a sinner gave me great comfort. In reference to Luke 5:31-32 "Jesus answered them, It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance". After knowing that, I no longer felt any shame in praying to God again or to open up the Bible again. This was back in 2004. Ever since then, I would have my daily prayers and my daily devotionals. I attend church service regularly, join bibles studies and take courses to help my spiritual growth. Every time I finish attending church or reading the Bible, I find out that I always learn something new. Since re-committing to God, by no means has my life been easy. I have been through many trails along the way, but the thought losing my faith again never entered my mind. I think doing a lot of foundation building really help me stand firm in my faith.
Lastly, I believe that God has control of everything, from the time when the seed was planted in me to the time when the seed grows. The process may take a long time, but when God decides that it's going to happen, it will happen. There were times when I doubted God, but God always proves He is with me every step. He promised us this through Psalm 48:14, "For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end." At times, I would still think that I could control things in my life, but each time God would prove how foolish I am for thinking this way. The best I could do is to let God has full control of my life because everything I have belongs to God, nothing belongs to me. I would seek God first, and let God take care of the rest. This is because Matthew 6:33 told me that "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well".