【醫者心】恩典之路

 

輕輕地吹走每個箱子上的塵埃,然後翻開一本一本遺忘了的回憶記錄,無意中翻到一張初二中文學校的測驗卷,讓我感歎的不是右上角是一個潦草的阿拉伯數字 100,而是裡面工整地默寫下的中文字,我曾經對它們瞭若指掌,但是現在如果沒有當年寫在旁邊的注音,根本連讀也不會了......


「......智慧人不要因他的智慧誇口,勇士不要因他的勇力誇口,財主不要因他的財物誇口。誇口的卻因......認識我是耶和華,又知道我喜悅在世上施行慈愛、公平,和公義......這是耶和華說的。」(耶利米書九章23-24節)

小學三年級的我就總結到人生裡面「關係」比「成就」更重要,追求功名利祿是空虛,是捕風。中國的教育制度不但令孩子從小在「功名競爭」的壓力裡長大,以成績和行為的優劣來設定幹部職位的高低,更也讓孩子們初嘗到社會的腐敗和不公。那一年,班上所有的班幹部,除了「有後臺的」,全都被無緣無故的降職。這次的經歷讓我懷疑屬世的成就:權勢、功名、利祿的追求,所伴隨的是不公、缺乏保障和沒有平安的生活。我的世界觀被震盪了,我轉向追求「關係」上的滿足,或許這是一個很自然的反應。我看見很多經歷童年陰影的孩子都會很早進入戀愛關係,或許他們很渴望被愛。不過我所說的「追求關係上的滿足」並不是這種,而是以「友誼」取代以前所追求的「成績」,作為自己最終的成就,以前我是以做「全班第一」為榮,現在我以做「全班最好的朋友」為傲。我真的做到了:後來班主任又讓我們自由投票選幹部,我就想當個副班長來玩玩,結果大部分的同學都投了我,但是神並沒有讓我這樣走下去。

不到半年,我們一家移民到南美洲。第一天上學,我連「我不懂」也不會說,是一個被社會歧視的「黃皮膚」的中國人,既沒有「知識」可以誇口,也沒有「朋友」可以為榮。上帝讓我倒空了,可以接受他的恩典:我在這裡學會憐恤困苦受傷的人,以真誠待朋友,為了學習而學習,做一個謙卑的人,不致於墮入驕傲和欲望的捆綁。奇妙的是,當我真的不為拿到好成績而學習,我卻成為了每年每度每科的「不敗第一」,無論是中文學校,英文學校,西班牙文學校,還是日文學校。小學畢業典禮中,雖然我還不是公民,但是所有的老師一致要求學校破例讓我扛國旗,因為這是屬於全校最優秀的畢業生的榮耀。雖然我時常被歧視而覺得自卑,但上帝讓我在那裡遇到很多真摯待我的知己,讓我學會關愛和體恤他人,讓我開始動起用我的知識能力幫助他人、伸張正義的念頭。但是我的心還是沒有預備好,我的心裡沒有盼望,沒有平安,也沒有愛。

十五歲那一年,上帝再一次拆毀了我為自己建造的堡壘,把我帶到加拿大,雖然以前我的英文是全班第一,但是突然間要用英文來生活,我覺得很不足,這裡也沒有那些跟我同甘共苦的良朋好友, 一切都再一次從新開始。讓我最不習慣的是我發現我突然被很多「黃皮膚」的人包圍著,他們是我的同學,鄰居,老師,牧師,醫生。朋友把我帶到了教會,當時對我來說,要承認自己是個罪人,似乎沒有甚麼問題,甚至我以為上帝很討厭我,因為他讓我離鄉別井,讓我變得一無所有,讓我一次又一次墮入我最害怕的孤單寂寞,讓我被遺忘,這麼重的懲罰,或許是因為我的罪孽深重吧。

有一天,在我禱告的時候,我看到我一生的經歷在我的眼前一幕一幕地呈現,我又很自卑自責地開始向神認出我受的苦和犯的罪。但是當我問神,怎麼能愛一個像我這樣的人,神就打開了我的眼睛。我看到了神在我還沒有認識他的時候,就賜我足夠的恩典去度過每一個難關。我突然間明白神其實有多愛我,一直以來我所認為很崎嶇的路途,原來都是被神的愛和恩典充滿的人生。

不久之後,我就被呼召做醫生。感謝神,這次他不但是把我帶到一個更好的環境裡,他更要在我的心動工。

......漸漸地我覺得沒有人會在任何場所因為我是中國人而辱駡我讓我覺得羞恥。而且我發現,我周邊的很多人會因為我是移民,中國人,敬佩我的努力生活。這種釋放讓我不知如何處理很久,就像突然間把一隻籠中之鳥放回他自然,它可能還在籠子前徘徊許久才懂得享受這種自由。

「神啊,你的意念向我何等寶貴!其數何等衆多!我若數點,比海沙更多;我睡醒的時候,仍和你同在。」(詩篇139:17-18)

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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