【夫妻同心】家和萬事興

 

先低頭道歉,必感動對方接納包容。

俗話說:清官難斷家務事,家家有本難唸的經,一語道盡要想家人和樂相處的難度是很高的。一般小家庭人口少,彼此關係單純,在尋常日子裏縱然偶有磨擦也比較容易化解。不過到了年節、假期,隨著親友間來往互訪機會的增多,家人之間起衝突、爭執的機會就隨著大增。如何妥善處理突發的事件,維護、修補良好的家人關係,就成為每一個人的大考驗了。

談到如何促進家庭和諧的智慧,同事小張在午間休息時,特別分享了他的一段波濤暗湧的經歷,其中有許多發人深省的功課值得我們學習。

話說感恩節期裏,小張妹妹、妹婿一家四口利用難得的假期,打從東部來探望與父母同住的兄嫂一家。節後的下午,孩子們相擁到樓上書房打電動遊戲;妹妹、妹夫閒坐在起居室看著電視、翻報紙廣告;張奶奶與媳婦淑珍一塊兒收拾滿廚房和餐桌上的鍋碗瓢盆;小張依照媳婦的吩咐倒空烘乾機裏一大籮衣物來摺疊,並換入第二批濕衣服進去烘。

張奶奶有一搭沒一搭地和女兒、兒子閒聊著家常。小張知道妹妹素來在家就不喜歡做家事,就像自己的媳婦不諳烹調,只能跟在母親後面打雜一樣,看慣了也沒甚麼大不了。但在談笑間淑珍就顯得特別沉默,連母親、妹妹和自己講述的趣聞軼事都不捧場笑一笑,也許那些陳年往事非得親身經歷過,別人是無從品出個中滋味的。

無心之玩笑話

小張熟練地摺完外衣,著手處理內衣褲的部分。拿起一件7號男褲摺著,可傻眼了!都是同牌同尺碼的內褲,可分不清到底是妺夫的還是自己的了。家裏共三個大男人當然不會是老爺子的,他的尺碼是6號。小張笑謔地把手中的男褲向妹夫揚了揚,笑道:「哎,色彩豐富,準是你的沒錯!」妺夫不置可否地聳聳肩,繼續盯著電視螢幕......,「叭!」一聲巨響,嚇得所有人都跳了起來。原來是妺妺生氣地將報紙重重地摔在茶几上。忿忿嚷.:「哥,我就知道你老看你妹夫不順眼,打從我們當男女朋友起,你就對他有成見。雖然他如今是沒你混得風光,可也是正正當當的男人,憑甚麼要受你的羞辱?」

張奶奶見女兒動了氣,急打圓場:「哎呀!小張,看看你搞出甚麼事來?把妹妹惹惱了,還不快向他們道歉!」小張不以為然地弩了弩嘴,沒作聲。淑珍愛夫心切,就接口聲援小張:「這不能全怪小張呀!他也沒做錯甚麼!」妹妹一聽,火氣更大:「我們是來看爸媽的,不是來受氣的。」說完轉身扯著妺夫衝出大門。張奶奶忿忿地沖著淑珍:「這是我們張家人的事,要你插甚麼嘴?」

淑珍聽聞後實在很激動,於是嗚嗚地哭著跑回樓上自己的臥房。而張奶奶也自覺委屈:年輕時含辛茹苦的把一群孩子養大,如今過個節仍是忙東忙西的,自己也不過是想圖個和樂的團聚,怎麼又不對勁了?一時悲從中來移步入房,「砰」一聲把門關上。偌大的客廳和廚房裏只剩下愕然的小張一個人。

討論應對之道

我們急於知道下文:「哇!事情很棘手哦,後來怎麼樣了呢?」小張賣關子不直接回答,反過來問道:「你說我應該先敲誰的門才對?」老李很「沙豬」地說:「當然是先敲媽媽的門陪不是嘍。我們中國人向來重視孝道,父母恩深義重,妻子如衣服可以再換,母親可是只有一個!」

我倒認為:「解鈴還須繫鈴人,應該先出去找妹妹、妹夫解釋清楚誤會,畢竟來者是客,以客為尊嘛。一旦妹妹息怒了,張奶奶就會沒事的;至於太太呢?反正是自己人比較好商量,她應該識大體、多忍耐些。」

小張笑了笑:「其實你們的主意啊,我都想過了,最穩當的還是先敲『上帝』的門,求祂伸手掩蓋我有意或無意中所犯的錯誤。我相信當我尋求祂的旨意時,神會幫助我,賜我智慧的心去處理目前的困境,我願意順從祂的原則和心意去做。」他接著說:「父母、夫妻、兄弟姊妹的關係中,何者是與我成為一體、共同承受生命的恩典呢?誰會與我並肩作戰共進退呢?」

「『攘外必先安內』,我知道憑我獨自一個人在今日的景況下要想面面俱到,勝算是很少的。所以我先去敲了一個會是我忠實盟友的女人之門─淑珍,我向她鄭重道歉:因為自己的無聊玩笑,不但惹得大夥不愉快,更讓她受到委屈。我感謝她一向溫順有愛心地在我們張家服侍上中下三代人,確實是神賜給我生命中的支柱。希望她能原諒我,與我聯手向神祈求聰明、智慧來平息這場家庭風波。淑珍真是個體貼的好妻子,她感受到我的誠意,我們手牽著手跪著為對方及家人向神感恩並認錯,祈求神給我們口才和勇氣來向家人解釋誤會。接著淑珍表示她已準備好和我一起去敲婆婆的門了,要我不要擔心,只要默默為她代禱。」

誠懇的道歉

「篤!篤!篤!」張奶奶的門被敲了三下。「媽媽,我是淑珍,請開門。」張奶奶開門一看,兒子和媳婦雙雙跪在門口。聽到淑珍用不太流利的家鄉話輕聲道:「媽媽,對不起!剛才我不該惹您生氣,請原諒我。」張奶奶聽了,眼淚也忍不住掉了下來,其實今兒個也不是發生甚麼大不了的事,怎麼自己的火氣這麼大呢?咳!難為這個懂事的好媳婦了!於是張奶奶一邊伸手扶起媳婦、兒子,一邊說出小張這輩子從未聽過自己要強的母親說過的最有智慧的話語:「淑珍,我今天脾氣不好,也請妳原諒。我們張家真幸運有妳這個好媳婦,妳比我自己的女兒還要好!」

於是婆媳倆相擁在一起痛哭起來。淑珍想起還有小姑那邊要處理,連忙向婆婆表示:自己和小張馬上出去向小姑賠不是,請婆婆不必操心。張奶奶拉住淑珍,笑著說:「不用了,自己生的女兒,『過雲雨式』的脾氣自己最清楚不過,待會讓婆婆去處理就好了。」於是這場家庭風波就這樣以喜劇收場。

主愛化解衝突

聽完小張的故事後,老李和我不禁對平時文文靜靜的張嫂刮目相看。同時也一致認為小張實在是犯了家人相處時「熟不拘禮」的通病。但小張表示經歷這次的事件也並非全無好處,除了更加深夫妻間的心靈默契外,尤其是母親和太太彼此間的嫌隙一掃而空,兩個女人相處更融洽了。

譬如以前每當張奶奶聽到別人來告狀,說孫子不守規矩時,常會對媳婦有所微詞;現在呢,不但不會遷怒淑珍,還會反過來護著她的感受說:「對呀,我們家的男孩子真的精力超旺盛呵,不過他們比起小張小時候的頑皮勁哪,可是沒得比哦!想當年......」

誠如聖經上所說的「愛能遮掩一切過錯」,只要我們用心追求和睦,願意遵守神的教訓:「並要以恩慈相待,存憐憫的心,彼此饒恕,正如神在基督裏饒恕了你們一樣。」(弗四:32)互相包容、彼此寬恕,以恩慈相待,有愛的地方神必定保守、賜福,家和萬事興嘛。

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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