【特稿】生命回鮭

 

Salmon1

 

汽車穿越莽林,在山腹的小鎮邊停下。車窗外,峰巒疊彩,藍天高遠。我推開車門,走下汽車,順著林間小道走向清溪深處,探究一年一度的生命回歸。金風入懷,鳥,在華嶂裏比賽著花腔;風,伸出無形的手,指揮火紅的楓、常綠的松和滿谷秋色一起和唱;偶爾傳來的歡聲笑語,那一定是觀者的讚美和聽者的驚歎。

腐臭,卻隨秋風一陣緊似一陣潛入肺腑,枯枝敗葉從樹上簌簌掉下,掩埋這探視生死之路。一彎溪流如鐮,割叢林為兩岸。陽光下,鋒鐮凜凜寒光,籠罩著所有生命,一堆堆鮭魚的屍體,橫七豎八漂聚溪邊。我沿著 "鐮" 背加快腳步上溯,以逃出鋒芒的威脅,并思想:鮭魚從深闊的海洋回到淺窄的小溪,年復一年,除了產卵,究竟,牠們還想叫人明白什麼?

溪水,仿似一群十三、四歲的任性少年,叫著,跳著,打鬧著,吹著響哨喧囂著,一齊順嶙峋磊石奔騰而下,故意向回歸的生命發難,而逐級艱難上躍的鮭魚,卻像登尼波山的老摩西,信念堅定,矢志不移。牠們每躍上一級便在緩流處小憩,然後繼續奮勇 "攀登"。兩岸的樹伸出無數枝葉,搭一座連一座的七色凱旋門在溪上,去禮讚這些歷盡千難萬險而英勇得勝的尤利西斯。

光穿過樹縫,像一把把利劍刺進溪水。劍下橫陳魚屍,或肉離骨露,斃命多時;或張嘴圓目,無語問天;或肚皮朝上,隨波飄蕩。仿佛為了躲避利刃,更不忍看同伴的屍身,活著的魚左閃右避,紛紛躲進蔭下。

我在溪邊的石上坐下,低頭看去,那戰勝海神的一眾英雄頭破、尾裂、皮開、肉綻,傷痕累累,面目全非。四年前從此地展鰭一去,青春歲月全融進了大海,如今重歸故里卻已是灰盔變綠,銀衣全赤,"鄉音" 未改,"鬢毛" 已衰。公鮭魚牙齒稀疏,唇翻齒露,腰彎背駝,儀容滄桑;母鮭魚體態臃腫,步履蹣跚。自找到歸家的河口開始,牠們就停止進食,換上大紅婚衣,與自己的伴侶並肩走向生命的最後歷程。

Salmon2急流中,幾條鮭魚相繼奮力上躍,"啪" 一聲,其中一條重重跌到對岸的石上,拼命掙扎卻求上不得,求下竟也不能,又一個生命坐以待斃。萬里回歸的鲑鱼,只為在自己的出生之地延續生命,卻叫人未見生,先見死!我相信,這痛苦生命慘狀之震撼,與凈飯國王子的四門遊觀難分伯仲。

此時,我也和鮭魚一樣身懷六甲。用天賜的 DNA 孕育另一種新生命,是我前半生的夢想與祈盼。十年前,我逆鮭魚的游向,經天路,從熟悉熱鬧的舊大陸來到陌生寧靜的新大陸。新舊大陸相異的價值文化對撞,新生老我的日夜搏擊,我的靈魂被撕碎。那飛揚的碎片警告我:若不對價值,生命重新思考,寫的文字再多,都不過是鮭魚繁衍式的重複!

苦與生命,這蒼老而永恆的命題展現眼前,究竟誰能盡釋其究?

人生苦!自生至滅,人,逃不掉的生老病死、天災人禍、悲歡離合、愛恨情仇、榮辱得失、暖寒盛衰。兩千多年前,釋迦牟尼看到人生諸般苦相而決心尋求解脫之道。二十九歲生日當夜,初為人父的他毅然拋棄奢華,義無反顧地悄然離開皇宮,也離開父母妻兒,輾轉各地尋師問道,不得其果而決然自禁幽林獨悟。六年禁食苦修,他形如骸骨,氣若遊絲。帝釋從天而降,彈三弦琴向他曉諭:悟道如彈琴,弦鬆則啞﹐緊則斷。釋迦族之智者才走出叢林,回到塵世化緣續命。又經六載,終在菩提樹下證得無上覺:人生真諦乃苦、集、滅、道。苦,人生之本質,苦的根源在 "慾"、"我"、"執"。人要離苦得樂,必須棄執!無我!滅慾!

一條鮭魚在水中悠悠打轉,嘴巴一張一合,似乎在說: "如果回歸溪流是鮭魚之宿命,假若從今往後,鮭魚改在海中產卵,免去艱辛苦難,你說鮭魚還是鮭魚嗎?"

幾片卵形樹葉飄落腳邊,一致圓瞪杏眼替鮭魚幫腔:"假設,樹幹是我們的本,離了樹幹,我們往哪裡長呢?"

魚繼續上躍,照例成敗各異,幸好這次全都回到水中。一對傷痕累累的鮭魚大概知道時限已到,牠們開始合力搬石挖坑,準備產卵施精。

Salmon3魚,此刻你們在想什麼?是阿拉斯加的冰雪,白令海的波浪,太平洋列島的風光,還是令你們沮喪的污染,喪膽的巨型拖網?在彼岸的盡頭,你們是否也嫌世界太小而效法亞歷山大大帝,向陸地揮淚豪鳴?你們可曾經過玉山,見到碣石,聽過伏羲九九,讀過河圖洛書?你們有否邀請東方的龍王馭波東遊,讓你們那些不敢西征的同胞聽一聲龍吟?許多人在陸地上謀求通往自由之路,請問水中有路否?有一點可以肯定,你們戰勝誘惑,識破網羅,不然早就左香檳右美色,混在綠色、黃色的節目(芥末)中墮落。可是魚啊,連一生唯一一次的繁衍也要以生命做代價,難道你們不覺得苦?你們甘心嗎?難道你們從來沒羡慕過養尊處優,一身華彩,盡享讚美的金魚?

公魚離開婚床,在我腳下轉圈,那悠然姿態仿似一位智慧老者泰然拈鬚曰:"不嚐海水之苦,何以知溪水之甜;不遨游於深廣之大洋,何以知溪流之淺窄;生命與甘苦本若一枚青橄欖,渾然天成,不可分割。你們不是崇尚 "梅花香自苦寒來" 嗎?佛祖不是戰勝了苦而得涅槃嗎?沒有一個偉大的人格和人類的楷模,不是在苦難之中誕生的!你頂腥冒臭來到此地,難道只為看垂死的魚做最後掙扎嗎?你會對著一堆斑斕金魚思考苦樂,叩問生死嗎?任何軀體都會敗壞,你看我,全身赤紅只因充滿毒素,老朽就當死去,倘若生命沒有盡頭,朽壞的身體永遠脫苦不得,求死不能,日復一日苟延殘喘該是怎樣的懲罰?上帝沒讓你們的祖先吃生命樹的果子,免你們老而不死,焉知不是神對人莫大的恩典?"

誠然如此,可是魚,既然甘苦與生命密不可分,為何人要矢志離苦,人真的可以憑自己的意志離苦得樂嗎?離苦的人生又是怎樣的人生?佛陀決意覺悟而決然離家、棄親、割愛、斷六根、滅人慾,苦中至苦不是苦?希冀離苦得樂,慾中至慾不算慾?不達目標誓不罷休,執中至執而非執?若以為然,人豈非掉進了以苦離苦,持執棄執,抱慾滅慾的悖論裏了?若不以為然,則 "苦、樂、執、慾" 之概念範圍如何界定?界定不明,教人何以了悟?設若一加一之和可任人隨願,誰可想像世界的模樣?

公魚緩緩扭頭,擺尾,游向使命,游向終極。牠沒有回答,卻在身後的水面,劃出點點漩渦如省略號,一串一串留給我。智慧老者,你用恬淡、安詳而堅定的神態啟示我:只有直面、忍耐、承擔、超越艱難困苦,生命才會飽滿,經歷風浪,得勝苦難的生命才會尊貴。勇士啊,難怪每年秋季,哪裡有你們的身影,那裡就有叩問生命,讚美生命的聲音。

腳下的淺灣如營地,魚像疲憊而英勇的戰士,以生命作最後的征戰。對岸,那條落在亂石中的魚,知道自己再不能回到水中便拼盡最後的力氣,產卵在石上。如珠金卵排列整齊,似一篇錦繡文章攤開在陽光下,粒粒晶瑩字字珠璣。我與我的文字,是否也當如這鮭魚--死去充滿毒素、腐朽敗壞的老我而成就新生?生在赤色環境,受赤化教育,早已裡外皆赤的老我當死,然而死去老我,又依憑什麼保證新生不重蹈老我之覆轍?他日,假若我也游回那時常斷流的濁水延續生命,為繁衍而繁衍能有多少價值?而價值座標又是什麼?設立這座標的手又在哪裡?

又有鮭魚迎著陽光之劍逆流衝鋒,奮力飛躍。我心懷敬畏,目光追隨著一道道堅定的紅影。"噗噗" 的落水聲,猶如蒼老的歡呼,一聲連一聲,從平原一直傳上山巔。光之劍移向石壁,為英雄刻下一篇又一篇墓誌銘。

壯哉,鮭魚!壯哉,生命!

拾級而下的溪流,宛如天然的鋼琴架在彩蔭中,飛瀉流水順琴蓋滑下,琮琮琤琤,迴旋音韻自由暢快,輕盈飽滿,自然流瀉如莫扎特充滿活力的美妙樂章。明年春天,琴下誕生的無數生命將再次承先啟後,和著琴聲奔向海洋。

我沿著新生命向海的路徑退出叢林,順道重新檢視回歸的生命。

斜陽下,溪流金光閃爍,一隊隊紅衣兵士集結在光輝裏,目標明確,信心堅定地向著洛基,向著太陽,向著生命的源頭衝擊!鮭魚,你們畢生斗驚濤搏激流,無畏艱難險阻,生命臨終仍信念不變,是誰給你們信心?是誰給你們指明方向,是誰使你們準確無誤地回歸生命的本源?

"鐺--鐺--鐺",忽然,一串悅耳鐘聲,從叢林外的教堂破空傳來,鏗鏘繚繞,悠揚空中。尋聲而往,一座十字架高高屹立在陽光燦爛的藍天下。向著十字架,一步一步,腐臭的世界離我而去。

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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