Home昔日真理報2016年 真理報文章2016 年 3 月【開卷有益】 選你所愛,愛你所選

【開卷有益】 選你所愛,愛你所選

 

Book從前的人,家裡的東西破壞了,便設法修補;現在的人,東西損壞了,乾脆丟掉算了,物資過度豐富,也不會有任何惋惜。令人傷感的是,這種思維越來越普遍,也不知不覺運用到婚姻裡去。當婚姻生活出現磨擦、裂痕,不如想像中美好時,許多人已經沒有耐性去細心修護,結果矛盾越演越烈,最後索性選擇離婚,來個澈底了斷。難怪世界各地的離婚率節節上升,根據統計,每十對結婚的佳偶之中,接近一半的人是以仳離作為結束。

婚姻果真是如此脆弱、不堪一撃的嗎?每次參加婚禮的時候,眾人為著新郎、新娘歡欣、慶賀,並送上無限祝福,難道只是一場遊戲,禮成之後不多久,便曲終人散?

專業從事家庭婚姻心理輔導的高偉雄醫師在他的著作《懸崖勒婚──選你所愛,愛你所選》(Choose the One You Love & Love the One You Choose)中,讓讀者對以為是一敗塗地的婚姻重燃希望,他指出:「婚姻,無論如何看似沒有挽救的餘地,都可以否極泰來!」

高醫師在輔導別人的豐富經驗裡,特別深刻體會到,那些願意把自己放在耶穌基督裡面,讓上帝來管理他們生命的夫妻,儘管在世人看來,婚姻已走到盡頭,甚至有如地獄地痛苦難熬,也會有脫胎換骨的可能。

然而,世上沒有不勞而獲的事,婚姻也不例外,幸福美滿的生活需要悉心經營、耐心培植。就如在駕駛之前,很多人都會花十數小時來學習怎樣開車;使用電腦之前,也得用心去掌握基本的操作技巧,才能得心應手地運用科技帶來的方便和快捷。可是,卻沒有多少人在與所愛的伴侶携手同行、共渡人生之前,願意花時間和金錢來學習婚姻之道、夫妻溝通技巧等等。

有人形容婚姻生活有如一間訓練學校,簽下一紙婚書,便進入了這所沒有老師、沒有課程大綱、也沒有修業期滿的學校,一切都是學徒式,邊做邊學,直至天荒地老,永不休止。要學習的科目又真是包羅萬有,計有:家政、清潔、水電維修、烹飪、財政預算、節目策劃、兒童心理、溝通技巧等等;更重要的是德育的培養,學習遷就、忍耐、體諒、接納、包容、欣賞,進一步彼此配合、互相扶持,每一個項目都需要相當的付出,才能得見成效。就像學生時代一樣,一分耕耘,一分收獲。

在上帝原本的設計之中,男女在本質和性情上明顯地各有不同,男人重成就、重工作,女人重人際關係;男人重目標、重成果,女人重過程;男人重爭競,女人重合作;男人重行動,女人重言語;男人重邏輯分析,女人重直覺。上帝沒有把所有的能力恩賜給男人,也沒有只一味厚待女人,祂的心意是夫妻角色不同,就是要讓他們彼此配搭,一起完成交付給他們的工作。

可是,我們經常見到夫妻之間只不過是為一些芝麻小事引發衝突,爭持不下,以致水火不容,問題的根源就在於丈夫要管轄妻子,妻子要支配丈夫。正應驗了始祖犯罪之後帶來的咒詛:「女人必戀慕她的丈夫,而她的丈夫必管轄她。」原本是你好、我好的雙贏局面,卻變成兩個人的權力鬥爭。大大破壞了上帝當初建立婚姻家庭的美滿藍圖。

雖然數千年來,夫妻就處於一個互相攻擊、互相轄制的景況之中,男女之間的關係似乎已進入了一個死胡同,看不見有任何出路,但請不要絕望,耶穌基督到世上來,就是要打破這個致人於痛苦深淵的咒詛。祂賞賜人全新的生命,不但讓人與上帝重新和好,也讓原本勢成水火的夫妻回到上帝理想的婚姻模式裡去,彼此互敬、互愛、互助,相處融洽,共同負起管治世界的任務。

關於夫妻相處之道,聖經沒有長篇大論的訓誨;卻簡單扼要地指出:「你們作妻子的,當順服自己的丈夫;你們作丈夫的,要愛你們的妻子。」可知道這句話在當時是劃時代的教導,二千多年前的猶太社會裡,女人沒有任何身份地位可言,作為男性愛護女性甚至到死的地步,是十分不尋常的命令,但換回來的卻是女性至死的順服和敬重。只有雙方願意努力地朝著這個方向邁進,才能破解一直以來纏擾幾許萬千男女心靈的咒詛,帶來嶄新的希望與美滿的幸福。

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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