Home昔日真理報2016年 真理報文章2016 年 7 月【主題篇】主耶穌帶領我回到魂牽夢縈的故鄉

【主題篇】主耶穌帶領我回到魂牽夢縈的故鄉

 

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幼年心中埋下偏激和仇恨的種子

我從小生活在農村。由於貧窮和宗族勢力的弱小,爸爸又在很遠的地方工作,家裡經常被人欺負,母親曾經被人打得受了嚴重的內傷。家裡的遭遇使我很小就埋下了偏激和仇恨的種子,生命中的無力感與無助感與日俱增。

上學以後,我開始崇尚江湖豪傑那種 "大碗喝酒、大塊吃肉"、快意恩仇、行俠仗義的活法,凡事喜歡較真、直抒胸臆、據理力爭、得理不饒人,這樣當然很容易得罪人,慢慢地,就變得不合群了,有時候甚至與人交惡。成長中的磕磕碰碰讓我的性格變得愈發悲觀、自卑和沉郁,記得有一次照鏡子我發現我竟然不會笑,勉強擠出來的一絲笑容是那麼的苦澀,那麼的晦暗。我對周圍的世界充滿了恐懼和不信任,生命對於我是如此沉重,我把曹操的 "對酒當歌,人生幾何" 寫在我的書本扉頁上。不善於與人相處,可又不想改變自己為人處事的方式,迷茫的我選擇了逃避,一頭鑽進書堆裡,期望能從中找到答案。


大量的閱讀開闊了我的眼界和思想,卻沒有為我帶來生活上的改變,反而平添了自我道德上的優越感,認為人性本惡,自己嫉惡如仇並沒有錯,只是曲高和寡而已。於是,我便把但丁的名言 "走自己的路,讓別人去說吧" 拿來當自己的座右銘。事實上,我也真的一直把這句話奉為圭臬,我行我素,覺得凡事只要對得起自己的良心,別人愛講什麼自己不必介意。如此想法,生活中是麻煩不斷,但我壓根兒就沒打算改變自己。

工作以後,我還是那樣的嫉惡如仇,那樣的義憤填膺,那樣的憤世嫉俗﹔我討厭虛偽,討厭做作,討厭爾虞我詐,討厭見風使舵,討厭諂媚逢迎,討厭一切人格分裂之事﹔我對靈魂之荒蕪,道德之淪喪,人性之泯滅,一切文明之殤感到悲哀﹔我的心裡充滿了憂傷,充滿了愁苦,充滿了怒氣,充滿了激憤......﹐我似乎站在了道德的制高點上,然而,漸漸地,內心上開始不堪重負,靈魂深處在呼求著什麼,我轉而向宗教尋求解脫。為此,我曾兩次上青藏高原,期待從迥異於庸俗市儈的漢地佛教的藏傳佛教中找到解答。結果,我找到的答案卻是 "消極" 二字,這不免讓我大失所望。我與社會格格不入,開始尋求移民,期待找到心中的綠洲。與此同時,乖謬自大的性格也讓我的婚姻生活亮起了紅燈,甚至到了劍拔弩張、一拍即散、瀕臨崩潰的程度。

移民加拿大後蒙主恩待

最終,帶著精神上的纍纍創傷,我來到了夢寐以求的加拿大,遠離了那個我痛斥的 "病入膏肓的荒誕國度"。與其說是投奔渴慕的民主、自由、公義,還不如說是自我放逐,因為我下意識地感覺到自己的心靈需要醫治,可是個人的力量是那麼的渺小,那麼的力不從心。我真的已是心力交瘁!後來,在朋友的幫助下,我有生第一次參加了主日崇拜。

參加短宣培訓畢業典禮

當我步入教堂的時候,我竟有一種多年漂泊的遊子回到魂牽夢縈的故鄉的感覺,我的靈魂在顫抖!這時候,剛好詩班在唱讚美詩。我不知道他們唱的歌詞是什麼,但那一刻我的心一下子被觸摸到了,有一種溫暖而神聖的感覺:那不是普通的歌唱,那是靈魂的謳歌!它能深入你的骨髓深處,讓你的每一根神經都感動起來!它能沁入你的血液之中,讓你的每一個細胞都被洗滌乾淨!我從未有過這麼奇妙的感覺,我的心裡滿是平安,滿是祥和,我的靈魂選擇了與命運的和解,人生所有的淒苦愁煩,都在這一刻融化,日趨粗糙剛硬的內心開始柔軟......

後來,我知道,上帝在那一刻揀選了我,把永恆的福分賜給了我,我信了主。感謝上帝!哈利路亞!上帝拯救了我,上帝醫治了我。我開始閱讀《聖經》和一些屬靈的報刊書籍,上帝的話語給了我無限的亮光,我的內心被光照,我學會了全面省視自己的內心:《聖經》說:"因為世人都犯了罪,虧缺了上帝的榮耀。"(羅3:23)原來我總是自命清高,從沒想到自己是那麼的固執,那麼的自以為是,那麼的自私,那麼的醜陋,那麼的罪不可赦!

主耶穌說,"人子來,就是要尋找、拯救失喪的人"(路加福音19:10)。我不就是那失喪的人中得一位嗎?過去﹐我的心裡沒有寬恕,沒有平安,沒有喜樂,沒有活力﹔我的心裡滿是悲哀,滿是憤怒,滿是仇恨,滿是鴕鳥式的自欺欺人﹔我是如此的骯臟,如此的齷齪,如此的可厭可憎!然而,就是我這麼一個不可愛的人,上帝都要尋找,都要拯救,都無條件地愛,那麼有憐憫、有恩典,"耶穌基督為擔當世人的罪惡過犯,甘心捨命被釘死在十字架上,並從死裡復活、成就了救恩"(彼前2:24)。我這隻迷途的羔羊,還有什麼理由不接受呼召,回到那個永遠為我們敞開的草場呢?

充滿喜樂、平安和盼望的新生命

 

信主以後﹐我的生命也悄悄地改變:過去我喜歡對人評頭論足、挑三揀四,現在我卻能體恤別人的軟弱,因為主耶穌提醒我:"為什麼看見你弟兄眼中有刺,卻不想自己眼中有樑木呢?"(路6:41)過去我對我不喜歡的人會冷嘲熱諷、甚至拳腳相向,現在我懂得去包容接納他們,因為主耶穌責備我:"你們想要人怎樣待你們,你們也要怎樣待人。"(路6:31)過去我只愛自己,現在我懂得了怎麼去愛我的妻子,因為《聖經》教導我:"丈夫也應當照樣愛妻子,如同愛自己的身體。"(弗5:28)過去我自命不凡,從不把別人放在眼裡,現在我明白要愛人如己,經常自責不已,因為"聖靈既來了,就要叫世人為罪,為義,為審判,自己責備自己。"(約16:8)

現在﹐我的生活中充滿了喜樂、平安和盼望,因為信了主以後,"人便得到上帝的愛、永生、喜樂、自由、豐盛、平安等屬靈福氣。"(弗1:3)最後,藉著這篇見証,請允許我鄭重宣告:從此以後我的心靈不再流浪!願榮耀歸於主!

 

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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