Home昔日真理報2017年 真理報文章2017 年 1 月【夫妻同心】賢內助的天職

【夫妻同心】賢內助的天職

 

作賢內助,當然是盡心盡力為丈夫擺上,但卻往往與自己的優先次序和需要互相矛盾。丈夫發揮他的所長,雖然已經退休,卻仍然忙於事奉,經常要到外地服事,短者一個週末,長者達十多天。他發揮所長的機會,卻是我獨留家中感到孤單的時刻。那次他外出回來,我要到機場接他;但那天也是我要負責看顧兩個孫女兒的日子,因遷就小孩子而誤了時間,害他在機場等了半小時。他覺得自己不是我的優先而感到沮喪,我因他的不體諒而覺委屈,因為這樣不同的優先次序而產生了小風波。

這些矛盾是家常瑣事,卻無時無刻造成大大小小的挑戰和障礙。挑戰是我要認知自己的需要,更要有勇氣與配偶清楚溝通。障礙是當我不知道自己的需要,不能交代清楚,大部份時間是得不到滿足,在欠缺的情況下,我便無能力服侍別人,更遑論作個賢內助了。正如在飛機上的指示:若有需要用氧氣口罩時,先要自己帶好,才去幫助身邊的人。所以誠實地面對自己的需要,明白自己的優先次序,是我個人成長和培養品格的基礎—知道自己的起點在那裡。同樣,我的需要得到別人的體諒和接納,我才會明白和尊重別人的需要,並有能力選擇怎樣洽當地幫助他人、助人成長和更新,親密關係也就這樣建立起來。

另一方面,很方便又自然的,我會向配偶找尋滿足,期望他是我的太陽—我唯一的太陽,當天上滿是烏雲時,他仍會令我開懷。正如這首民歌歌詞的意境,令戀人如癡如醉的活在憧憬中:"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray......"

縱使丈夫有陽光般的性情,在日復一日的生活壓力下,也不能無時無刻地作我唯一的太陽。對他有不切實際的期望和遐想,等如製造失望和沮喪,會帶來關係上的危機。

另一個危機是當他不能滿足我的需要時,我會懷疑自己的價值:一方面會消極地認為大概我不值得他欣賞、我沒有值得他讚賞的表現吧!或者是積極地更要證明自己的能力,提升自己、保護自己,造成領功、炫耀、自視過高、聽不入意見。久而久之,懷疑產生恐懼,造成親密關係中的阻隔、爭競、敵對,最終口裡和心裡充滿對他無止境的控訴,我作了魔鬼那咆哮獅子的助手!

其實,當我過於擔心自己作賢內助不稱職,介意配偶的批評,以致要刻意討丈夫的喜悅時,無形中他就成了我最終的權威和評判,成了我的主人、偶像。忘記了那次是甚麼事情,心中有莫名的憤怒,有姊妹提醒我,可以把憤怒帶到 神那裡, 神是容讓我們發怒的。我自己衝口而出的是:「不可以在丈夫面前發怒,他不喜歡!」停下來,突然醒覺,豈不是丈夫更超越了 神?我畏懼的是丈夫,不是 神?不知不覺中落入了當年彼得和約翰在公會中面臨的試探:聽從人、還是聽從 神?(徒4:19)

誰帶給我安全感和自信?丈夫不是神,別在他身上找最終的安全感、滿足和自信。我屬於 神,我要取悅的是 神。要弄清楚我、配偶和 神這個鐵三角關係的位置和互動。我是助手,但丈夫並不是我的老閭, 神才是! 神給我在配偶身邊的崗位,好讓我幫助他完成 神在他身上的計劃。 神會供應我所需要去完成任務,在懷疑和乏力時祂給我肯定、鼓勵、支持;在錯誤中祂給我包容、接納、饒恕。亦是當我感受到 神這樣愛我,就能學習同樣地愛丈夫。亦是同一個鐵三角,帶出我作賢內助這角色的目標和方向。若我只是對丈夫的意願唯唯諾諾,只想配合他而達到他目標,結果是我迷失了自己,我們的婚姻也迷失了方向。 神賜給我智慧和敏銳,能意識身邊人物事情的景觀,目的是配合 神的計劃。在過程中,甚至要有由聖靈而來的勇氣,向配偶表達一些不容易明白或接納的提醒。由此觀之,我與 神的關係是我能夠作賢內助的關鍵,明白 神的心意,領受 神的召命,忠心的幫助配偶成就 神在他生命裡的計劃,在主裡愛他、幫助他。

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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