Home昔日真理報2017年 真理報文章2017 年 2 月【社會心】婚姻衝突--影響情緒的非理性思想(32)--小事大事,在乎心思

【社會心】婚姻衝突--影響情緒的非理性思想(32)--小事大事,在乎心思

 

social 1一個較少被討論,但卻常存在內心的一個容易於因小事而抓狂的情況,就是未能 "隨心而活"。例如子女出世後,生活節奏一切環繞他們為中心,安排子女餘閒活動參照其他家長潮流,結果是父母工作已很忙,還要為子女參加鋼琴班,芭蕾舞班等課外活動;子女在選擇大學學科受父母期望而定,結果有不少醫科,工程科畢業生,卻不從事正職,最後還是叫父母失望。有人為了追趕潮流之尖端,不斷更新最新型號的手機,電腦等電子產品,或是時裝鞋車音響相機。也有為了住房,即使經濟力量未及,仍然勉強供樓,在其他方面節省而做成緊張及壓力。由於這些追求而帶來的經濟壓力,時間壓力,已經滲入家庭關係裡,醞釀家庭衝突,可以隨時因小事而抓狂。

究竟 "隨心而活" 是指甚麼呢簡單來說"隨心而活" 就是按自己個人心意而選擇的生活以及生活方式如果有家庭的便包括全家人的心意。具體來說當要作出較為重要的決定時你會考慮自己內心所想也顧及家人所想但不會太受外界的價值觀而作決定。例如暑假旅行我喜歡接觸大自然便選擇去露營行山扒艇騎單車不會選擇很多同學都去的迪士尼樂園或歐遊。我的選擇是從我心底裡的理念引發而不是受鄰居朋友或社會潮流的壓力

social 2當然"隨心而活" 並非要我們凡事都與世界抗衡要走極端或不守傳統。它有更深層的含意就是當你在寧靜時所聽到內心深處的微小聲音這小聲音就是反射出來自你內藏的智慧心願期盼夢想等。很多時我們會受朋友或社會價值觀影響很多而 "跟大隊"卻未必是自己最喜歡的但往往又不想破壞氣氛或關係而勉強認同。若然我們能多聽內在心聲很多時會有新思維新觀念如流星閃過例如有可能提前退休去做某些事來完成自己心願取一年無薪假去一陌生環境體驗生活又或許是搬去某一小城去過另外一種生活又或是戒除某項習慣學習某樣興趣又或是重新安排自己的時間運用戒除煲劇打手機遊戲改為做運動及義工。這一切都是源於內在聲音但不是一時衝動而且亦會與家人商量共同實踐。

如果我們不去 "隨心而活"又會有何影響呢假如我們在日常大小事務都是隨從別人意見其實自己內心多多少少都有些不滿意的感覺因為在決定中自己的內在聲音沒有說出來之後總有一些後悔或不滿。久而久之你會漸漸變得沮喪及焦慮又要做一些自己並非想做的事。筆者在上星期便經歷一次掙扎天氣好適宜滑雪先後有三位朋友力邀同往主要是多人玩更熱鬧。而筆者的考慮是身體仍有些小毛病想休息多一點加上已約了去探訪朋友(雖然可以改期)最後作出決定是維持原意聽從內心心意。那日之後自己內心感到很平安滿足沒有因未能去滑雪或失去朋友相聚機會而有負面感覺。

"隨心而活" 就是按自己心意而去活。我們可以問自己"我究竟想怎樣過我的一生我是否在隨波逐流還是我有我的路徑我現在所做的是我因循的生活習慣或是我的生活在於滿足某人的期望"

"隨心而活" 是尋找內心平安及個人成長的基礎。它會指引你更仁慈容忍胸襟更廣不容易因小事抓狂。

我很多時喜歡找些時間獨自行公園當個人接觸大自然的時候人會更輕鬆沒有壓力有閒情逸緻欣賞身旁美景。更有得著的是在獨處時思想自由漂蕩很容易會回想近來發生的事有甚麼可改進的近期發生的事情有甚麼教訓可以學習有甚麼事情可以看到神聽禱告容許神蹟發生...等等。當然更可以坐在一角靜看眼目所見的等待從上而來的微小聲音又或是自己的內心深處的聲音。每當步行完畢返家時無論有沒有答案或具體行動總有一點內心滿足的感覺。

聖經有句說話非常發人深省

你們得救在乎歸回安息你們得力在乎平靜安穩你們竟自不肯。(以賽亞書30章15節)

另一段文字是很很喜歡的是來自一首歌曲(順流逆流)

幾多艱苦當天我默默接受

幾多辛酸也未放手

故意挑剔今天我不在乎

只跟心中意願去走

social 3"隨心而活" 是尋找內心平安及個人成長的基礎。它會指引你更仁慈容忍胸襟更廣不容易因小事抓狂。筆者建議讀者嘗試找一個機會先靜下來找機會獨處聆聽那微小的聲音不要去找答案等待答案來找你。祝生命不斷更新更豐盛。

 

 

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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