【夫妻同心】婚姻舞台

 

探戈舞( Tango)是西班牙文 Tango 的譯音,起源於非洲中西部的民間舞蹈「探戈諾」舞。

16 世紀末到 17 世紀初,隨著販賣黑奴而進入美洲,融合了拉丁美洲民間舞蹈風格而形成了舞姿優雅灑脫的「墨西哥探戈」,和舞步豪邁、舞姿挺拔的「阿根廷探戈」。

我曾經在阿根廷欣賞過探戈舞,舞者間緊密的配合及交錯,跟其它舞步截然不同,當中的特色更是帶出夫妻關係之間的微妙和動力:

• 男女雙方目不對視,跳到「探戈定位」─「舞步瞬間停頓」時,男女雙方都向左側看,有如夫妻雙方爭吵、衝突、憤怒、受傷時的心理狀態和肢體語言。

• 舞者在舞步進行中前一秒還互相深情凝望,但下一秒卻可能快速擰身轉頭,左顧右盼,正巧妙描繪夫妻前一秒才含情脈脈,眉目傳情,下一秒卻橫眉冷對,爭強鬥狠。

• 探戈舞的伴奏和演唱者的音調和旋律,時而激昂奔放,時而深沉哀怨,或憤世嫉俗,或感時傷懷,道盡夫妻關係中的喜怒哀樂,恩怨情仇。

• 舞者男士大多打領結穿深色的禮服,而女士則穿著一個高開叉的長裙,也微妙的帶出夫妻關係中的不同個性和互動。一方可能嚴肅拘謹,保守矜持,另一方則熱情奔放,透明敞開。

• 探戈舞步的特色是:深情的凝視、相互緊密纏繞的肢體,節奏明快,舞步挺拔,交叉步、踢腿、跳躍、急旋轉,若即若離,欲迎還拒,大開大合,快慢錯落,這也精確的描繪出夫妻之間的身心互動,大起大落,變化無窮。

• 有人說,阿根廷的探戈舞是以感情掛帥。在阿根廷人看來,探戈就像男人和女人自願投入的一場戰爭或博奕,男女舞伴間強烈的目光和身體緊密的糾纏,正是探戈的靈魂所在!

借用中國文化中的太極圖,陰陽兩極半圓圖形呈.狀,如果磨合過程過於激烈,都以自我為中心而轉,在糾纏過程中就會戳痛對方而受傷;但當兩極不以自己為軸心,而是一起套入耶穌基督的軸心上,「你們當以基督耶穌的心為心」(腓2:5),慢慢磨轉,「喀嚓」一聲就會合在一起,二人才能舞出一場天衣無縫、美妙合一的舞蹈,這是達至合一的不二法門。

而真正完全的合一,是「二裡有一,一裡有二」。就像一個尚在母腹中的胎兒,他需要完全依靠母親的乳養和保護才能生存,他們是「一個」生命的共同體,「你裡面有我,我裡面有你」。只有當兩個人不以自己的需要為前提,願意以耶穌基督的心為心,才能成就。這也就是為什麼造男造女,創造生命的神在設立人類第一個制度─婚姻家庭的時候,對亞當和夏娃說:「因此,人要離開父母,與妻子連合,二人成為一體。」(創2:24)

但成熟的個體不需要依賴另一個個體供應他全部的需要,他的成長過程裡面需要有自己獨立的空間。有如嬰兒的生命要繼續成長,就必需要「離」開母腹,有自己獨立的成長「空間」。如果做母親的不肯讓嬰孩離開母腹,那麼後者必定胎死腹中!所以人要離開父母,才能與妻子合而為一,但在合一裡各自仍然需要有空間,不可以完全與對方混融(fusion)而不分彼此。博域家庭系統理論(Bowen Family Systems Theory)提到,若黏連混融到無法呼吸,雙方都沒有了自我,是不健康的或者病態的關係。從聖經角度說,神要求結婚的一男一女,先要學會「離」,就是學習給自己空間,也同時給對方空間。不適合結婚的男人,就是不會離開父母的男人,他被母親控制或者照顧得太好,或者貪圖來自父母的方便和好處,是被寵壞不能自己獨立的男人。這種人最好不要結婚,否則害人害己。健康、成熟的人,會知道如何獨處,需要有自己的空間,不是愛一個人就痴纏不放,最後一同窒息而死。

有話說:有人的地方就有江湖,江湖的最大禍根就是人與人之間的恩怨情仇。婚姻本身就是一個江湖,你想退隱江湖嗎?而神卻說:「神配合的,人不可分開!」(太19:6)保羅又說:「我們成了一台戲,給世人和天使觀看。」(林前4:9)你我的婚姻就像一場熱情奔放的探戈舞,世人和天使都在觀看,要能人天共賞,歎為觀止,夫妻二人必須:

(一) 不再是我(ME),乃是我們(WE);

(二) 形神合一,裡外一致。貌合神離只會半途而廢;

(三) 勤練「心法」,不忘「劍法」(提前4:7);

(四) 夫妻牽手一世,也緊握主耶穌釘痕的手;

(五) 成全對方,給予空間。

 

couple

亞省國語夫婦營學員

 

(此婚姻篇由「家庭更新協會」加拿大分會供稿。本會將於 2017 年 11 月 10 至 12 日舉辦國語恩愛夫婦營,地點在美國 Cedar Springs 舉行,每對加元  $680;又 2018 年 7 月 20 至 22 日舉辦粵語恩愛夫婦營,地點在 Chilliwack, Charis Camp 舉行,每對加元 $570;有興趣參加者請盡早報名。查詢詳情,請聯絡 Paul Tam (604) 875-0203或瀏覽家新網頁:www.cffc.ca 下載報名表。)

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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