 |
大家好！我叫 Nikki，今年 17 歲，來自中國廣州，9 月份就要進入大學了，今年 3 月 28 日接受洗禮成為了基督徒。我爸媽在農村長大，他們讀書不多，很年輕就去了廣州打工。他們白手起家，靠著勤勞一步一步拼搏到事業的成功，所以我們才能移民過來加拿大。回想過去的十幾年裡，父母工作很繁忙，我盼望得到關愛，可是我得到的關愛總是很少。媽媽的脾氣一直都不好，這樣使我的內心充滿了恨與憤怒：我會恨為什麽媽媽要對我發脾氣、我會討厭和爸爸說話、我會躲在房間不願意見他們、我會放縱我的私欲。在我被憤怒沖昏頭腦的時候，我犯過很多罪，比如說生氣地把家裡的東西砸碎、說粗口罵我的媽媽、甚至和媽媽打起來互相扯頭髮等等......我就像聖經上說的一樣："我們從前也都在他們中間，放縱肉體的私慾，隨著肉體和心中所喜好的去行，本為可怒之子，和別人一樣。（以弗所書二章3節）
我就是這樣終日在憎恨中度過，在未認識主之前我就是個憤怒又懵懂，叛逆又迷茫的小孩，我認為所有的壞脾氣都是媽媽影響我的。我也覺得和爸爸有隔閡，因為我們沒有溝通的習慣，在我的記憶裡，我和爸爸沒有過一次擁抱。雖然我知道我的親姐姐和我一樣缺乏關愛，但是我們關係也不是很好。我的家庭關係很不好，我對最親的人以最壞的態度發泄怒火，可是我的內心一點都不好受。每當感到軟弱的時候，我很少會和人溝通。因為我發現即使我跟朋友傾訴了我的煩惱，但我內心深處的空虛仍然沒有東西可以填補。
面臨著高中學習的壓力，面對著因為性格的內向沒有朋友的孤獨感，感受著在家裡卻沒有溫暖而是爭吵的時候，我曾深夜離家出走。我以為我可以逃避我要面對的，我將手機關機，我認為這樣沒有人能找到我。可是我媽報警了，並且她與教會的朋友一起尋找我。因為這件事，我非常感動：我以為我媽沒有那麽愛我，起碼不會在我失蹤後會拼命地找我。但是她說如果我死了，她也不活了。她沒有睡好而是整天以淚洗面。我第一次那麽深切地體會到了她的母愛。
我是如何接觸到福音的呢？是我的朋友邀請我來參加團契，他跟我說有好吃的，我就來了。後來我被接觸的新事物所吸引，比如唱詩歌，飯前禱告，讀經，就陸續來教會想要了解更多關於主的事了。有一次我和韓傳道一起禱告，禱告的內容是請求神幫助我和好朋友重歸於好。沒想到後來我真的和我的朋友和好了，因為我媽媽讓我感謝我的朋友在我失蹤的時候幫忙尋找我。這件事情之後，我感受到神有聽我的禱告並感動我的心去相信他。然後去年聽余牧師講道的時候，我和余牧師一起做了決志禱告，我承認自己是個罪人，不能自救，我求主耶穌赦免我的罪，並接受他成為我的救主和生命的主。我決心跟隨主，做一個主耶穌的門徒。向父母親，弟兄姐妹和朋友傳福音，讓他們了解至高無上的《聖經》真理。通過禱告，我內心得到了安慰與溫暖。心裡的感受無法描述，那感覺真的很美好。
約翰福音十三章34-35節："我賜給你們一條新命令，乃是叫你們彼此相愛；我怎樣愛你們，你們也要怎樣相愛。你們若有彼此相愛的心，眾人因此就認出你們是我的門徒了。" 信了主，我第一次學會了感恩與關心我的家人，學會了包容身邊的人，學會了安慰我的媽媽。在我按照神的話語去為人處事之後，我感到了從來沒有的喜樂，在家裡面我是唯一的基督徒，我想要給身邊的人傳達得救的福音。我開始學會放下多年心中的恨，開始用一種不一樣的態度對待我的媽媽。即使當我小時候和媽媽有過一些的不愉快的回憶，我開始換一種角度去想，為什麽我的媽媽會對我發脾氣，是不是因為她當時面臨的生活壓力，是不是因為外婆也曾對我媽媽發脾氣。感謝神，打開了我的眼睛，讓我心中的憎恨得到釋放，並且教導我擁有一顆愛他人的心就如同神也愛著我一樣。我媽媽看到我的改變之後，她誇贊我說我有 180 度的改變，她覺得我跟以前不一樣了，她覺得我變得聽話了。以前我一點都不願意做家務，直到現在我媽媽叫我幫忙，我第一反應就是好。
感謝神，因為我的信，我的生命開始慢慢地變化著。例如，我和姐姐的關係明顯變好了，我開始真正地關心她，她需要的時候我去幫護她，我知道她和我一樣缺少父母的關愛，我跟她說是因為我信了耶穌。我對生活更積極了，我開始真心對待我的朋友，和信的人在神的殿裡贊美祂。我在學校上課的同桌也信耶穌，有一次我們分配到一個小組來做老師要求的作業，我因為她說的一些話不開心就變得安靜，她也察覺到我的心情不好，我不想因為我的不滿影響她，於是，我和她說我們每次一起合作之前禱告吧，然後我們一起禱告我們能順利愉快的合作。最後我們一起做作業的時候十分積極配合。我們的友誼也因為我們的信仰變得更穩固了。以弗所書第二章 8-9 節：你們得救是本乎恩，也因著信，這並不是出於自己，乃是神所賜的；也不是出於行為，免得有人自誇。感謝主讓我因著信而得救。每當我覺得孤獨無助的時候，主與我同在就是最好的精神支柱。
接受洗禮是我人生中最重要的一個紀念日，我相信我是一個真正的基督徒，生命從此不再一樣！我深切地體會到從我蒙昧無知、到我相信耶穌是我的救主、並一世跟隨祂的決定與過程是多麽的不易！我想在這裡特別感謝韓傳道鼓勵我來受洗，感謝 Ann 姐在我沮喪的時候給我溫暖的擁抱，感謝余牧師默默地給我們傳達福音，感謝我的父母給我付出的無條件的愛。今日，在神的殿裡，我很高興將要開始做一個新造的人。還未相信的朋友們，像我這樣的人都得到神如此的恩典，你也可以得到的。最後，感謝兄弟姐妹們，感謝天父，阿門！
God's love fulfilled my mother's love
By Nikki Chen
I am 17 years old, I come from Guangzhou, China. I am going to university in September. I got baptized Sunday, March 28,2018 to become a Christian.
My parents grew up in the countryside, they did not have a high school education. So, they had to find a job at a young age in GuangZhou. My dad and mom started with nothing, but they worked very hard to achieve their success in business so that we can immigrate to Canada. Recalling a couple of years from now, I desired parental love from being a child to teenager, since my parents were hard-working in their business, I felt little love from them. My mom has bad temper as always, which made my heart filled with hatred and anger. I would hate my mom's bad temper as it has influenced me deeply; I would hate talking to my dad; I would hide in the room and avoid to see my parents; I would hide in my bedroom to avoid seeing my parents. I would indulge my lust to do what I want. When I was carried away by anger, I have sinned. I have smashed things at home, I have acted against my mother, I have pulled her hair, and so on.
Before I have faith in God, I blamed my mom's bad temper as it has influenced me, and I spent many days in hatred. I think me and my dad have barriers because of the lack of communication. In my memories, I have never had a hug from my dad. My relationship with my elder sister was very bad, but after believing in the Lord, I began to really care about her because I knew she lacked parental love as I did. I treated my family with the worst attitude, but it didn't feel good at all. Before I have faith, I was still an ignorant, rebellious, and disoriented child. Whenever I have struggles I would keep them to myself. Even though I would talk to my friends about my troubles, I know deep down in my heart, my sorrow still remains. I was facing the pressure from school assignments, the loneliness of being an outsider with no friends, and the constant fighting at home. I had decided to runaway from home late at late night. I thought I could escape what I was facing. I turned off my phone so that no one could find me.
However, my mother called the police to search for me with my friends from church. After I came back home, I was very touched. I thought my mother had little love for me. I didn't expect her to search for me so desperately after I was missing. She told me that she couldn't live without me. She didn't sleep well because she had cried at night. I deeply felt her motherly love for the first time. Even so, I know that not being good at expressing love does not mean having no love. I know my parents' love is reflected in everyday life, such as making a delicious meal, washing clothes, stacking clothes, and preparing lunch boxes.
How did I come into contact with the gospel? It was my friend who invited me to join the fellowship. He told me that it has delicious food so I came. Later, I was attracted by new things in church, such as singing poetry, praying before meals, and reading the Bible. Thus, I came to the church to learn more about the Lord. Once, I had prayed with Pastor Han. We prayed to God for my friendship. Before all that, I didn't come to church often. Later, I got together with my friend again because my mom made me thank my friend to find me when I was missing. After this incident, I once again felt that God listened to my prayers and touched my heart to believe in him. Moreover, when I listened to Pastor Yu's preachings last year at church, we prayed together for I admit that I am a sinner and cannot save myself. I ask the Lord Jesus to forgive my sins and as my Savior and Lord of life. I am determined to follow the Lord and be His disciple of the Lord Jesus. I would spread the gospel to my parents, brothers, sisters, and friends to let them know the truth in the Bible. Through prayers, my heart was comforted and warmed. The wonderful feelings in my heart cannot be described. It feels good.
I learned to appreciate my family after believing in Jesus Christ. After behaving as God pleases, I felt the happiest ever. I'm also the only Christian in my family. I learned to love others and comfort my mom. And let us be moving one another at all times to love and good works; (Hebrews 10:24) My relationship with my elder sister was very bad, but after believing in the Lord, I began to really care about her. I would help and protect her when she needs me. I knew she lacked parental love as I did. My relationship with my elder sister is obviously better than before. I told her that I believed in Jesus Christ. In our entire family, I am the only Christian. I want to convey the gospel of salvation to those around me. I know that my mother has never been happy. She started to go to church. My mother went to join a reading gospel group on Wednesday, but she did not persist. I hope the people around me can be saved by the Gospel of God and thus be free from suffering pain. Therefore, I will prove it with my actions.
When I began to let go of my hatred, I treated my mother with a different attitude. Even though I had some unpleasant memories with my mother when I was a child, I began to think differently. Why did my mother lose temper with me? Is it because of the stress she was facing? Is it because my grandmother treated my mom with the same bad attitude. Thank God for opening my eyes, let the hatred in my heart be released, and taught me to love others just as God loves me. My mother saw my change. She praised me and said that I had a big change. She thought that I was different from the past. She felt that I became obedient. I used to do zero housework at home. Now, when my mother asks me for help, my first reaction is I would do it.
Thank God, because of my faith, my life is slowly changing. For example, I want to be more enthusiastic in life, I want to treat my friends sincerely, and praise God in the temple of God. My deskmate also believes in Jesus at school. Once, we were assigned in a group to do the assignments. I became quiet because she offended me with her words. She also noticed that I was in a bad mood. However, I do not want to affect her with my bad mood, so I told her that we should pray before we work together. Later, we prayed to the Lord to help us work together successfully and pleasantly. In the end, we worked very well finishing the assignment. Our friendship has also become more stable because of our faith. Because by grace you have salvation through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is given by god: Not by works, so that no man may take glory to himself. (Ephesians 2:8-9) Thank God for letting me be saved by believing in you. Whenever I feel alone and helpless, I just need to know that the Lord is with me.
Today is the most memorable day in my life. I believe that from today I will be a true disciple of the true Lord Jesus Christ. I realized how difficult it was to finally decide and believe that Jesus is my Savior and follow him forever. I would like to give my special thanks to Pastor Han for encouraging me to baptize, and to Ann for giving me a warm hug in times of frustration,. I also thank Pastor Yu for giving us a gospel message, and for the unconditional love that I receive from my parents. Today in this temple of God, I am very happy to born again. To those who are exploring about Christian faith, a person like me can receive the grace from God, so you can receive it too! Finally, I would like to give thanks to brothers and sisters, and to our Heavenly Father, Amen!