【日本樂散步】她的秘密

 

Chion

 

這個題目,可能令人聯想到日本人喜愛的推理懸疑劇名,或是有關倫理道德的奇情小說,都不是。這現實反而有點心痛的感覺,因為她的秘密越多,反映她與人之間的關係越疏離!

受過教育的女性留在家相夫教子的這個傳統⻆色,雖然已由 1980 年的佔已婚女性的 65% 降至 2015 年的 38%,專業主婦 (日稱全職主婦) 在日本還是非常流行。嫁個好老公做賢妻良母,生個可愛的寶寶還是很多小女孩、大姑娘的理想。女性教育水準提高,發展的事業機會擴大,但大部份的她還是嚮往樂意嫁人。不過,不是每個她都想專業是主婦,可能是無奈 : 因丈夫的要求留家,或因託兒服務不足及不能全面配合在職母親需要,或沒有老一輩家人協助看孩子。如外資電腦工程師新媽媽因一歲女兒時時生病,日本請外傭限制多多,只能放下工作留家照顧孩子。不論全職或半職主婦,嫁了人的她多會是家庭優先而選擇放棄全面打拼事業或自由自主的生活方色,她的夢想成為心中的秘密。

工作時間長的丈夫沒有時間及精力溝通,他覺得他已經辛苦工作,賺的錢全給了妻子管,她自應理解他,不要太多要求,安靜聽話照顧好孩子是理所當然。不懂事的孩子只顧朋友、打遊戲機,美美的家什麼也不用他們擔心、幫忙,十年二十年過去母親的角色就應該這樣,是理所當然的。某天有位太太倒在家門口,被送去醫院,生活四十多年的丈夫兒子才知道她有憂鬱症,三十多年裡出門只為了去超級市場,沒有朋友,並且很久沒有開口說話。她的生病、真正需要,因沒有人關心變了無聲的秘密。

媽媽們除了家務和上班外,日本的學校或孩子興趣組織都設定她們會協助課外活動,如家長會、交通協力隊、學習檢討會、籌備校內大型活動或週年大型表演,開會、分工、製作、當值不是一、兩小時,而是用以月或年計的時間,婦女們面對復雜的人際關係也增多了。這時在勢利的社會,穿的衣服、拿的包、住的家、老公的職業或孩子的成績因接觸多了,自然成為比較的壓力來源。加上日本人不愛自己被突出,努力讓自己變成和眾人一模一樣地合群,獨特風格要承受別人不友善的眼光或令別人的困惑,所以本來面目、真實的想法就要穩藏起來變成閉門秘密。不想受傷的她得與人保持安全距離,所難交到可以分擔的交心知己。

外人眼光是覺得主婦很閑,時間全是自己的,想睡到幾時也可以。但忘記了,主婦是24小時的工作,一早開眼至晚上閉眼也忙孩子家事,沒有指定休息時間,隨時加班,不能任性突休。生活上的壓力,每天透不過氣的日程,讓主婦聯盟有了「内緒」(希望別人幫保密)的「ご褒美」(獎勵自己) 活動。每月或一年一度,她獨自一人約好朋友、老同學來一餐高級午餐,到美容做個全身護理,參加巴士一日旅行團,去附近溫泉樂園浸泡半天,買件時尚服飾或包包等。都是正常的活動,為什麼變成要向家人保密的約會?因為家計問題,老公每天吃的是愛妻便當或吃五百円午餐。而老婆一次的獎勵午餐是五千円,巴士遊最少六千円,不是太多老公會體諒或感謝妻子的辛勞,而覺得她久不久享受一下是應該的。為免夫妻為錢吵架,這等獎勵美事因他不會理解而變了她的不透光秘密。

日本人的很會忍耐,又不愛打擾別人的民族性格,讓她不輕易地把內心世界及心事清楚說明或主動改善。生活在還有男尊女卑氣氛的社會,讓她只會收藏及強忍,有一天可能會突然強烈爆發。對他的不滿,對教養孩子的失落,她長期自己一人傷腦筋,最後可能用行動報復,輕的偷偷把他心愛的東西丟掉,把他的衣服襪子全反轉,只有他的床上用品幾個月不洗(日本人夫妻多分床睡)等,重的外找情人或長期儲蓄私己錢計劃突擊離婚。這些秘密行為,傷人也傷己。

刻意地隱瞞某些事情或不滿的情緒,長期下去或多或少會引起不安的負面情緒,如約伯記三章26節描述那種灰心絕望的心情「我不得安逸,不得平靜,也不得安息,卻有患難來到」最後約伯意識到自己怨恨是因理解神不足,當親眼見神後就順服,心結也解了。如果家人能帶有憐憫的心去明白她的需要,不只是知道而是投入她的處境去理解、去體諒,多些深度遘通,很多的所謂秘密、隱事變得原完可以坦白交代。再沒有秘密,而是了解及支持!

聖經箴言14:1說「智慧的婦人建立家庭,愚妄婦人親手拆毀」,智慧的她也是需要其他家庭成員支持才能同建立美好的家。如果她有夢想想完成,就支持及一齊相討長遠計劃;如她疲倦了,就幫接手她手中的事,讓她休息一下;如她想有空間,就留一個地方單屬她;如她想談談天,借雙耳給她吧!讓我們多多去愛及關心為家人奉獻一生的她!

謝謝天父讓我們有她!母親節快樂!

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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