Home昔日真理報2018年 真理報文章2018 年 10 月【社會心】非理性思想(52)--行動比說話更重要

【社會心】非理性思想(52)--行動比說話更重要

 

真理報 25 週年誌慶
真理常在,
真道長存。
報導翔實,
佳音廣傳。

 

行動,比說話強力一百萬倍(Action speaks louder than words)。我們對心愛的人一方面說非常愛他/她,說這話的時候自己卻在打手機遊戲,他們會有何感覺呢?你以為你所說的 "我愛你",對方就感受得到嗎?這只不過是甜言蜜語,語言藝術,當然不會感受到!因為我們的言語,要有行動配合才能完整表達,才是真確的,才能真正感受到。相反來說,當配偶以各種不同行動來表達對你的關懷愛護,即使對方沒有說 "我愛你",已經不言而喻,彼此心領神會,無聲勝有聲了。

在家裡,表達愛的關鍵在於 "如何分配時間"。我們很常對兒女或配偶說:"你是我生命中最重要的。" 但在實際中,兒女或配偶會如何 "看" 你這句話呢?他們往往是看你的行動,這比言語更重要。爸爸每日花 12 小時在外,回到家裡能夠個別陪自己卻不到 20 分鐘,自己會是爸爸的 "最重要" 的嗎?

Social 1記得有一個晚上,我正在與兒子在家玩遊戲之際,突然手機鈴聲嚮了,我習慣性地停止遊戲,去拿手機看看是誰找我。與此同時,眼角一看小兒,他的面部表情至今仍然記得,充滿著 "既期待,又失望" 的茫然,我忽然之間有個轉念,速速說聲 "我有事情正在處理中,甚麼事明日再講吧!" 然後立即快步回去與小兒繼續遊戲。即時,他面露天真喜悅的笑容,雙手張開一起擁抱。現在回想,我仍然覺得很有意思,因為我把優先考慮給他,跟朋友傾談是其次。

配偶方面,看到自己丈夫在外 12 小時,回家後只顧看電視,或是玩遊戲機,真正單獨陪自己的是上床那十幾分鐘,那裡會感覺到 "愛" 呢?!何來有時間作真正的內心交談?

筆者還記得結婚初期仍然在事業上拼搏,既上兼讀碩士課程以增值,又去教夜校教學以幫補收入,處理家務、照顧小孩自然落在太太身上。她也是全職婦女,那時候真的是 "無飯夫妻",只有在外吃飯,分秒必爭。在如此緊張生活節奏下,生活似乎已經失去重點,生活的鐘擺變成為不同的事件任務而轉,而維繫夫婦二人的核心關係,卻被淡忘。現在回望,也明白多些當時為何常常因小事而吵,冷戰很久才能回復正常!因為彼此的心,彼此的情,太久沒有潤滑,多生了棱角!沒有把時放在夫婦關係上,這是自然結果,種的是甚麼,收的就是甚麼。

從另一角度看,那丈夫可能不善用說話表達,但他勤奮盡責,分擔家務,鑽研煮菜技藝讓家人享用,又肯安排大小旅行活動,更久不久有些驚喜安排,如不經意設計的生日派對,精心製作旅遊紀念相簿等,這些行動不就是愛的表現嗎?若果不是出於愛,他為何願意為家人付出而不出外找朋友吹水(粵俚:聊天)、飲酒、應酬?

我們可以在哪方面去做,能使到家人(及你生命中最愛的那些人)感受到你的愛呢?在考慮如何行動時,先要問自己:

(一)甚麼是最高的優先次序?高次序的自然會放多些時間,思念更多。

(二)他們的個別需要又是甚麼?是要時間陪伴,要事務處理,要聆聽分享......

(三)然後是你的喜好、興趣、朋友、事業、學習、信仰,哪一項是更高次序?

你自己也要做個優先次序表。有了大概理念,你便可以安排、鎖定、調節你的時間表,來決定那些事可以延後,那些事需要優先、縮減、擴大等等。筆者有以下心得與各位分享:

工作上:維持生計,當然要準時上班盡責職務,有良好精神狀態及充沛體力迎接,也是職場上良好見證。固此要避免晚上喝酒夜睡,非必要聚會,可免則免。


Social家人關係:盡可能每晚都與兒子傾談,分享日間經歷、趣事,甚至壓力,喜樂共享,壓力分擔。與配偶亦然,盡可能都有個別時間深入分享難處、憂慮、擔心的事,彼此明白,分擔苦憂。每星期有一晚( 2-3 晚更佳)在飯後出外散步一小時,甚至乎暫不洗碗(次要事項),或交由子女處理。這一小時其實很寶貴,飯後散步促進健康,有助消化,減少脂肪累積,更有充裕時間彼此傾談,甚至處理有不同意見的事項,不必在子女面前爭吵,又可以傾來年旅行大計、儲蓄計劃、退休安排,甚至平安書等等,無所不談!如情況許可,安排久不久一次出外燭光晚餐,不要太計較花費,當作獎勵自己吧!

個人興趣:這項是最大試探。筆者曾經有段時期(約婚後 3-4 年)的典型工作週,日間星期一至五工作,每晚有不同參與:星期一去工會開會,星期二玩結他,星期三教夜校,星期四預備主日學或教會事務,星期五在教會開會,星期六團契聚會,星期日教主日學,晚上與家人(家母、外母隔週輪流)晚飯!!超充實,但代價不少!

多花時間在自己喜愛的事上,最大損失是失去與子女同玩、講故事、教功課......的機會,原來這些事務很快便會過去,之後想再做也不再需要了!不少的代溝問題,子女越大越有陌生感,大都是失去童真的階段。這就是 "如何分配時間" 的關鍵,也反映你/我以滿足自己心願興趣為重要,還是以與心愛的人共同度過為重要。

愛與關懷,都是要有行動配合的。只有說,沒有行,或只是小小行,便是 "能說不能行",講起來天下無敵,做起來就無能為力!不要把 "愛家人" 只當作一句口號,乃是要以行動表達,切勿做一個能說不能行的人。

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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