Home昔日真理報2019年 真理報文章2019 年 12 月【讀經隨想】聽你!懂你!

【讀經隨想】聽你!懂你!

 

「我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的;但你們各人要快快的聽、慢慢的說、慢慢的動怒。」(雅各書一:19)

有一位好姐妹的朋友向她訴苦:一個月前的一個晚上,她的老公把她從睡夢中喊醒,要求跟她離婚,原因是他在外面有了另一個女人。她聽完之後,就完全傻了,因為她之前完全不知道這回事兒。有的朋友就勸她說:「算了,算了,他要走就讓他走吧!好在他出去也没偷、没搶,只不過呢,是在外面找了一個女人而已。」然後就勸她朋友要感謝這個男的,因為如果没有這個男的話,她可能就要孤獨到老了,至少现在還賺了一女兒陪着她。

這位姐妹的朋友把這些事情跟她訴說了一通,她認真地聆聽完之後,就把她朋友的話認真地重述了一遍給她聽,並且把她受傷、委屈、無奈......的感受表明了。她朋友就非常感謝她的理解和勸慰,說她舒服多了;還誇我這位姐妹,說話都說到她心坎上了。我的好姐妹說:「其實我就是對她做了一次認真的傾聽,讓她覺得被理解了,就很大地抒解了她的情緒。」

再說一位母親的見証,她在美國讀大學的女兒給她打電話,表達明天要考試了,還没有準備好......。她一反常態地理解她的焦慮,讓女兒放鬆心情,早點睡吧!女兒因此很得安慰與平安。最近打電話給她的頻率,明顯增加,也願意講講自己和朋友之間關係上的煩惱了。母親把剛學到的懇談-傾聽好好地應用了一下,女兒的情緒馬上得到了疏理,母女倆都很開心。

聖經中的溝通原則,就是「你們各人要快快的聽、慢慢的說、慢慢的動怒。」(雅一:19)充分地告誡我們:每一個人都應該隨時聆聽別人的意見,不急急於自己的發言,更不要輕易動怒。使徒雅各指出,只有當雙方的聆聽比說話為快、為先時, 才有良好的溝通。我们往往想多說一些,讓人明白我們的想法,但也必須願意多聽别人的言語。當我們「快快地聽,慢慢地說」,就是在向人表達尊重與愛了。就像我的好姐妹對她朋友不打岔、不評論、不給建議的認真傾聽,就讓她朋友很得安慰,感受到了一份尊重與重視。那位母親的學習傾聽,更讓女兒真實地感受到了母親的理解與愛。

我們很多人被訓練得很會分析問題和提供解決之道,所以擅長思考和講話。但我們很少人受過傾聽訓練,就是從對方的觀點、角度來看世界的同理心的傾聽,以暸解對方的思想、感覺和願望。事實上,學習傾聽可能像學習外國語文一樣難。因為「傾聽」是讓對方有講話的機會,務必去除自我中心,學習先放下自己的觀點,把自己的身段放低,用别人的眼晴看世界,去看一個你不熟悉但其實你有機會看到的世界。

所以聖經說:「要彼此同心,不要志氣高大(就是不要以為自己什麼都懂),倒要俯就卑微的人。不要自以為聰明。」(羅十二:16)人什麼時候最聰明?就是他卑微下來的時候最聰明。因為當我們身段放低,去傾聽比我們更卑微的聲音的時候,我們反而有機會變得真正的聰明,去看見我們原來看不見的東西,聽到我們原本聽不到的聲音。我們要能够用别人的眼光去理解世界,這並不等於他是對的,但是當我們去學習倾聽的這個過程,我們就不一樣了,他人也不一樣了,我們變成結伴同行的天路客,一起去認識彼此,和幫助彼此去認識自己。故而黃維仁博士在「親密之旅」這套學習愛、傳遞愛的課程中,特別鼓勵大家積極學習傾聽,成為一個醫心的人,因為「傾聽就是愛,了解中有醫治。」

口語的溝通是所有人類文化、思想傳遞的基礎。「聽與說」的能力,是上帝賜给人類最奥秘的兩項禮物。然而「聽與說」卻無法在同一時間內一起發生,許多人曾嘗試,但做不到。所以,在我們的婚姻、家庭裡,必須有人聆聽,溝通才會順利。這個「聽與說」看起來似乎很簡單,但是《婚姻四季》的書中,在調查離婚原因的問卷中提問「你為什麼婚姻失敗?」竟有八成多的人回答「缺乏溝通」。在改善婚姻的過程中,很少有比同理的聆聽這般具有如此神奇的力量了!因為願意全神貫注地集中在說話之人的身上,努力去發掘他內裡的真正意思和心意,就帶出了「彼此勸慰」 和「互相建立」(帖前五:11) 的正面溝通模式了。

耶稣是情感智慧的典範,「我心裡柔和謙卑,你們當負我的軛,學我的樣式;這樣,你心裡就必得享安息。」(太十一:29)基督的寬廣,能擴大我們對人的接納;也唯有基督捨己的愛,能幫助我們脱離以自我為中心的限制,願意更有耐心和恩慈地去聆聽他,並且聽懂他!

親愛的阿爸天父:

我們感謝讚美祢,並以感恩的心,娓娓訴說我們心理的需要;我們可以暢通無阻、深信不疑地來到祢面前傾心吐意,向祢坦承我們的感受、過錯與罪惡,為要得憐恤、蒙恩惠、有美好的團契和生命的更新。主啊!祢是最好的聆聽者,祢與喜樂的人同樂,與哀哭的人同哭;祢了解並接納我所有的情緒和想法。當我向祢袒露心聲的時候,祢專注的傾聽,就安慰、溫暖並鼓勵著我。感謝主的慈愛與恩典,祢是我心靈的醫治者和輔導者。求主幫助我也有像祢一樣憐憫的心腸,耐心聆聽有需要的人。我這樣感恩禱告祈求,是奉耶穌基督的聖名,阿們!

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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