Home昔日真理報2020年 真理報文章2020 年 11 月【雲彩見證】壓傷的蘆葦(6)

【雲彩見證】壓傷的蘆葦(6)

 

我成了酒鬼

2003 年的春節回家後,我幾乎不出門,心裡總有見不得人的感覺,就是鄰居們和我說話,我也覺得他們的笑裡飽含譏誚。正好姐夫從廣州打來電話,說那裡有好買賣,一天可以掙好多錢。沒多想,我湊了錢坐火車去了廣州。

年輕時就憧憬南方。詩人們把南國描寫的讓我的心如醉如癡的嚮往。加上我正需要找個地方隱藏起來,也想著要是能掙很多錢,就把孩子老婆都接到南方。我想要翻身。

一路上雖然路途遙遠,但好奇心使我沒感到疲乏,兩天三夜我終於到了廣州。

南國三月,氣候宜人,花香彌漫,微風輕拂,空氣中夾雜著春的氣息。頭一次看到高大的棕櫚樹,原來芒果樹是這樣......

 

Wang 1

瓦房店農村的房子

 

姐夫帶著我在住處附近轉了一圈,期間我問他來這裡做啥買賣?姐夫勸我別著急,先休息幾天。

幾天以後,我們被聚到一個很小的房間裡去聽課,這時我就明白了一切,這哪裡是什麼做買賣,這不就是傳說的傳銷嗎!

我的心啊,真的很失望。本來是帶著好多希望來的,沒想到卻落入了傳銷的漩渦。我心裡很堵,很悶,上不來氣,卻發現我沒有帶安定之類的藥物來。住的地方附近有個小超市,沒有東北那樣高度的白酒,只有 10 度的米酒,我只好用它來澆愁了。

因為上火,還是病了,廣州的診所很貴,來時帶的幾千塊很快花光了。在我一再的解釋勸說下,姐夫終於決定和我一起回家。

2003 年的 4 月 1 日,很容易記住的日子,因為是愚人節。我心裡暗暗的淒慘一笑,上帝今天又和我開了個大大的玩笑。

走進廣州車站,隱約中傳來極低極悲的哀樂聲,循著聲音,人們的目光都集中在大廳牆壁的電視螢幕上,張國榮,於今日淩晨跳樓身亡!我不是追星族,但我也喜歡哥哥,曾聽說過他有抑鬱症。正處於沮喪中的我,心裡咯噔一下,有一絲不好的預感,我會走張國榮所走的路嗎?

在鬱悶和囧困中,我和姐夫踏上了北上的列車。那年春天正好是非典,我又生病,在家裡治療了一段時間。

六月的一天,一個親戚給我打電話說,大連有砌石頭牆的活幹。有活幹好啊,我去廣州的錢都是借的,就這樣我趕緊找了幾個石匠去了大連。

永遠記得那個夏天的熱,特別是我們幹活的地方。早上四點天還沒太亮,就起來幹活,晚上快到八點才可以下班。每天就是搬石頭,還要常被管工罵,吃的也不好,感覺就是監獄!因為欠債,只能一天一天的強忍著,堅持著。這時候的非典已經很嚴重了,到處都在戒嚴!烈日下,高溫下,管工嚴管下,我就像是奴隸似的,黝黑的臉,穿著破衣服,目光呆滯,每天在工地上勞作。

這個期間,我晚上經常夢到自己在學校的日子,夢到在教室中安靜學習,夢到校園內高高的白楊樹下,我和同學們談笑風生......醒來卻是一場夢,我痛苦萬分,號啕大哭!為什麼?為什麼?上帝我做錯什麼!你竟然要如此對我!為什麼要如此對我!

結婚後,我也曾火熱地在農村教會中事奉,想一輩子事奉神。而如今,自己不但沒走上事奉的道路,反倒落入這般田地。落魄感歎中,我更加的依賴酒,只有喝了酒我的心裡才能有短暫的平安。

 

Wang 2

王輝的兒子

 

兒子快上幼兒園時,我才回了家。我們家有六間瓦房,結婚後,我住西面兩間,父母住我對面。這鍋瓦瓢盆,雞狗豬牛的時間長了,婆媳之間就有了矛盾,起初只是吵吵嘴,但後來就動手了。媳婦脾氣爆,而我母親是性格溫順,柔弱膽小,但也有個缺點,就是叨叨嘴,這也都是我把母親一步一步的傷害到如此地步的。

被我媳婦暴力後,母親很傷心,很傷心。我隱約看到母親的臉上有一絲絲傻笑。我真的怕,我那時好害怕母親哪一天會精神崩潰了!所以每一次當媳婦和母親打架的時候,我都深深恨著我媳婦。我發洩這種恨的方法,就是把自己泡在酒裡。我越來越離不開酒了。

 

Wang 3

王輝和兒子

 

回到農村以後,我雖然有時也去教會,但,火熱事奉神的日子再也沒有了。反倒是教會中有的姊妹,因著我以前的事和現在喝酒的事,冷口冷面地對我,我離教會、離耶穌越去越遠了。

母親爲了躲開我媳婦,只好搬出去住到別人的家裏。每一次看到母親流淚搬家的時候,我都更加墮落。

 

Wang 4

 

這樣,我成了地地道道的酗酒者。......(未完待續)

 

      聖經金句 (Bible Verses)

喜樂 Joy

喜樂的心乃是良藥;憂傷的靈使骨枯乾。箴言 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22

然而,我要因耶和華歡欣,因救我的 神喜樂。哈巴谷書 3:18
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:18

要常常喜樂,不住的禱告,凡事謝恩。帖撒羅尼迦前書 5:16-17
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

饒恕 Forgiveness

主啊,你本為良善,樂意饒恕人,有豐盛的慈愛賜給凡求告你的人。詩篇 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. Psalm 86:5

你不要說:“我要以惡報惡”;要等候耶和華,他必拯救你。箴言 20:22
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the LORD, and he will avenge you. Proverbs 6:14

你們饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必饒恕你們的過犯;馬太福音 6:14
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

你們不饒恕人的過犯,你們的天父也必不饒恕你們的過犯。馬太福音 6:15
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15

你們各人若不從心裡饒恕你的弟兄,我天父也要這樣待你們了。馬太福音 18:35
This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Matthew 18:35

謙卑 Humility

敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨;尊榮以前,必有謙卑。箴言 15:33
Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the LORD, and humility comes before honor. Proverbs 15:33

敬畏耶和華心存謙卑,就得富有、尊榮、生命為賞賜。箴言 22:4
Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life. Proverbs 22:4

凡事不可結黨,不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀;只要存心謙卑,各人看別人比自己強。腓立比書 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

驕傲 Pride

驕傲來,羞恥也來;謙遜人卻有智慧。箴言 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

驕傲只啟爭競;聽勸言的,卻有智慧。箴言 13:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Proverbs 13:10

驕傲在敗壞以先;狂心在跌倒之前。箴言 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

但他賜更多的恩典,所以經上說:神阻擋驕傲的人,賜恩給謙卑的人。雅各書 4:6
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:“God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

忍耐 Patience

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

並且你們要為我的名,被眾人恨惡,惟有忍耐到底的,必然得救。馬可福音 13:13
Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13

不但如此,就是在患難中也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 5:3

我們行善,不可喪志;若不灰心,到了時候就要收成加拉太書 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

你們也當忍耐,堅固你們的心,因為主來的日子近了。雅各書 5:8
You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. James 5:8

溫柔 Meekness

回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣。箴言 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

溫柔的人有福了,因為他們必承受地土。馬太福音 5:5
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

用溫柔勸戒那抵擋的人;或者 神給他們悔改的心,可以明白真道。提摩太後書 2:25
Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 2:25

只要以裡面存著長久溫柔、安靜的心為妝飾;這在 神面前是極寶貴的。彼得前書 3:4
Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

嫉妒 Envy

不要為作惡的心懷不平,也不要向那行不義的生出嫉妒。詩篇 37:1
Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong. Psalm 37:1

心中安靜是肉體的生命;嫉妒是骨中的朽爛。箴言 14:30
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:30

在何處有嫉妒、紛爭,就在何處有擾亂和各樣的壞事。雅各書 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

生氣 Anger

當止住怒氣,離棄忿怒;不要心懷不平,以致作惡。詩篇 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8

好生氣的人,不可與他結交;暴怒的人,不可與他來往。箴言 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered. Proverbs 22:24

愚妄人怒氣全發;智慧人忍氣含怒。箴言 29:11
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11

生氣卻不要犯罪.不可含怒到日落。以弗所書 4:26
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Ephesians 4:26

我親愛的弟兄們,這是你們所知道的,但你們各人要快快的聽,慢慢的說,慢慢的動怒,因為人的怒氣並不成就 神的義。雅各書 1:19,20
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19,20

災難 Calamity

謹守口與舌的、就保守自己免受災難。箴言 21:23
Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23

民要攻打民、國要攻打國、多處必有地震、饑荒.這都是災難的起頭。馬可福音 13:8
Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. Mark 13:8

憂愁 Worry

你們不要憂愁、因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。尼希米記 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

主雖使人憂愁, 還要照他諸般的慈愛發憐憫。耶利米哀歌 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. Lamentations 3:32

凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。馬太福音 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

我留下平安給你們、我將我的平安賜給你們.我所賜的、不像世人所賜的.你們心裏不要憂愁、也不要膽怯。約翰福音 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

應當一無掛慮,只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝,將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安,必在基督耶穌裡,保守你們的心懷意念。腓立比書 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7

因此, 你們是大有喜樂, 但如今, 在百般的試煉中暫時憂愁。彼得前書 1:6
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6

患難 Trouble, Suffering

義人多有苦難,但耶和華救他脫離這一切。詩篇 34:19
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19

神是我們的避難所,是我們的力量,是我們在患難中隨時的幫助!詩篇 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

耶和華本為善,在患難的日子為人的保障,並且認得那些投靠他的人。那鴻書 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

為義受逼迫的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。馬太福音 5:10
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:10

不但如此,就是在患難中,也是歡歡喜喜的。因為知道患難生忍耐。羅馬書 5:3
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3

我想現在的苦楚,若比將來要顯於我們的榮耀,就不足介意了。羅馬書 8:18
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

因為你們蒙恩,不但得以信服基督,並要為他受苦。腓立比書 1:29
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him. Philippians 1:29

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